Wednesday, December 31, 2014
Friday, December 26, 2014
Saw each other for bookshop work today, then he kept thinking about my moans hahaha. Then touch me everywhere secretly when we are working. ><
Then we waited for the double decker bus 190 for damn long cos we want privacy. Then while waiting at the bus stop, his naughty hands are at work agn, makes me so turned on. >< then while on the bus, we sat at the furthest back of the seat, continue turning each other on. He kept touching my stomach haha, then up my thighs near my xiaola. >< Then I tried running my fingers down his inner thighs and both of us throughout the journey was just giving each other pleasure hahaha. Then we went to somerset 313 to settle my phone, no solution damn sad. Then we went to Digital Funan Mall, every escalator he will wrap his arms arnd my stomach, so comfy and major turn on. >< Then we ya basically just physical as much as we could.
Went to somerset for EAT as dinner! Then KOI then waited for double decker 700/190 but dont have so we took double decker 972. But wtf somebody sat the furthest back seat so we damn pissed, no privacy. >< But he secretly touching my stomach all over and side thighs near the entrance of my shorts. >< He knew all my weak spots so is like every touch is targetted to make me feel turn on...then wtf things go haywire when the guy behind alighted. He literally rubbed me, at first through my shorts, but he went craycray and went into my shorts.... and at first my legs were still crossed, but I opened it slightly for his hands to enter aft that...then even requested him to go faster and he really went super fast, I even guide him to go which direction, up/down/left/right more. >< Then he was also super turned on but I couldnt give him pleasure... just putting my hands near his xiaohill hahaha. >< then he started to grab my boobs too, like really touching and slight massage. >< feels super turned on wtf. Then both of us really cannot take it. ><
Having kbox date with him aft work tmrw cos we wanna have some privacy. :p
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Omg, my and kh really progressing too fast. >< We have been sexting each other since ytd night, omg, so shy. Like this is the first time a guy talked so much sexual stuff with me before, even more than Bryan!!!! Then the whole conver on 24/12 were abt masturbation, erection, turn-ons. >< I send him a photo of my legs then he became turned on, then continue sending diff angles one HAHA.
Then we skyped from 8+ till now like 12+am alrdy, literally phone sex ok. >< Then I got wet, omg so embarrassing. >< Waiting for my sister to sleep first so that I can skype him later in my tight tank top with his desired pose HAHA. We both admitted to each other that we were enjoying this sexting/phone sex thing cos it really satisfies our desires, so I guess it's fine? Cos we are just curious about each other hahaha, and he really said that he dares to rub me if I allow him to. Omg, I really feel like letting him rub me but it really feels wrong and awkward.... but I really think when the mood comes, we will do things to each other. Actually, I find it okay cos is just exploring each other, as long as we don't fuck each other, the rest shld be fine. Plus I trust that he loves me alot too, so is natural for him to have those desires. :) Hehe, just wanna turn him on now!!!!!
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Yay work ended well! On sunday, 21/12, I went plaza for 18chef for dinner with aunt and sist, super nice!! Then headed home! Skyped kh at night hehe!
Monday went to fetch parents from airport back! But met kh in the morning at westspring cos he accompanied his cousin for registration! Talked to Miss Chang for 30min hehe still my fav teacher! Then we went to senjacashew cc for badminton, but they did not have suitable timing for the courts! So we went to blk 545 outdoor place to play! Played like 15min only cos shuttlecock too annoying HAHA. Then we sat down to chitchat for awhile, played with each other's fingers haha, tickling each other. Perfect slacking. :p then we walked to plaza for 18chefs! Super cheap, less than $6!!! Cheese baked rice for the first time, major love!! Then headed home to slp before heading to airport in the evening!
Met kh at 11.45am at 163 for kkm! Wore the grey bossini shirt but he didnt wear, abit upset but it's okay! Cos the top was body fitting but loose on me, so it accentuated my boobs but quite low cut, so he was looking at them throughout the day haha, makes me shy. >< but hehe glad that he likes to see them, must impress with my figure more. :p then we took 960 aft lunch to bugis! Playing with our fingers secretly while sitting down and crossing arms haha.
Then we switched to mrt at bugis to expo! People were judging us in the mrt too cos I tried to use my finger to tickle him, laughing away madly!! Then we walked arnd expo, nth much! Didn't manage to get my usb wire cos my phone abit sot. But we found the mercury portable charger, major love!!!! <3 but didnt buy la. Then we walked from hall 5 to hall 1 to foyer for dbs atm machine haha! Held hands all the way hehe. Then the foyer 1 was super empty with couch. Like literally only security guards were thr. So we sat thr tickling each other, getting all physical. >< then I chained his hands with my bag, and let him suffer with my ticklings HAHA. He was turned on. :p then we walked to changi city point and sat in front of KOI while he ate, being all loveydovey physically haha! Then explored and found the arena, super nice cos quite windy and like green! Got swings somemore but were all taken!!! So we sat at one corner while talking dirty HAHA. Talking abt turning on. Then he touched my inner thighs, trying to make me turn on. >< he did it la, for the first time I really felt smth down thr. >< then on the bus back, he was trying to touch my inner thighs too, still put his hands in between my thighs for warmth HAHA. First time someone actually touched my thighs, so sensitive. >< then I fell asleep on his shoulders on 960!!
Basically whole day was just being physical with each other la. >< then skyped from 10.30pm to just now, like 12.10am! Before that we were texting, the whole conver was abt xiaohill and turning on each other HAHA so shy. Really love him la, qtpie. :p but I really enjoy his touches la, want him to touch more hehe, but he's quite shy so we have to slowly too, cos idw our basis of r/s to be abt physical too!
Hehe 2 more days till I see him for work, excited, cannot wait!! Hehe goodnight!
Thursday, December 18, 2014
Like we were walking but his hands will always brush against my butt cos walking what! Then I scolded him for taking the chance to touch my butt haha, then he really hit my butt, in purpose wtf?!?! Haha then we were both laughing ridiculously cos I deesiao him with that.
Then MRT was super crowded and I had nth to hold on, so we were playing with our hands tgt. Hold his pinky so that I wont fall haha, then he held my whole hand and we kept playing with our fingers. Lied on his shoulders too, hehe comfy and the height is just nice. Really super sweet, just like how a couple would behave! Then on the train to cck, we were playing with each other's waist haha and crapped alot abt physical stuffs. People arnd us were judging, so paiseh. >< But hehe, truly felt very blessed and happy, really different from how I feel when Bryan touches me.
Gonna have breakfast with him tmrw, hehe looking forward to it! :)
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
So long didnt update here!
Dec holidays are very fulfilling hehe. Slack for first week of dec hol! Then start going redhill to work for bossini warehouse sales on the 11th! With kh ofc!! He will accompany me home everyday aft work hehe although taking 184 is inconvenient for him cos still has to change 963 then 964!
Getting really really close during these working days too cos we see each other from morning to night! Emotionally and physically! He ah, now starting to get touchy! While folding clothes, he will walk over and put his arm arnd my waist or just shoulder. Abit not used to it haha!
Ended everything with B, cannot stand his clinginess because it's really getting overboard. He insists in continuing just because of all the physical touch that I can satisfy him with. He doesnt sven treat me nicely. We will never ever get back tgt agn.
The closer I get with kh, the more im afraid to lose him...he is really close with eshir and tbh, I really hate it. The fact that he intiates to text her and not me...the fact that he can put all those emoji even aft I told him I dont like it. So he is willing to make me unhappy just to please her...
Although this 10 days, he is trying his best to not text her, distancing himself away from her. But I clearly know it's impossible. Once schl reopens, everything goes back to how it was and supposed to be next year. This 10 days is just a temporary commitment. I'm trying my best to trust him...
Today was his off day so I work alone! Meet him at JE cos he wants to accompany me for dinner! Went to eat hot tomato at westgate, first dinner in a restaurant tgt hehehe. Then walked arnd and mrt home! Haha, he always tries to tickle me now when we are on the escalator cos he knows that is my weak spot. ><
Tmrw will be working from 1-6pm yay! Shall sleep soon, so tired from work!!!!
Looking forward to the rest of dec hol cos we will be spending alot of time tgt aft bossini work ends! ^^
Monday, December 8, 2014
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Had extra lessons as usual but ended at 11am, suoer early! B's house wasnt available so we headed to blk 152's staircase. Meant to be a hugging session only. Ofc we did hug. Went to the highest storey! Then we sat and chitchat for 30min. Windy and relaxing hehe.
Was bored at home. Sist went to her friend's dorm to stay until next Monday. Aunt went out. Dad will be working late. Mum will be going for work. So I went to zhcc with B to study! 'Study' was just an excuse ofc haha, we were both hoping there will be no one in the study room so that we could watch movie and cuddle on the couch but sadly there were ppl.
So we reached at 3.15pm and went to walk for awhile at 4.30pm cos I wanted some mcd ice cream but didnt have! So we went to Nicole's void deck to explore the garden. Headed back at like 5pm and went out agn at 5.45pm. Went exploring the CC. And we found the eldery corner on 4th floor which was unlocked haha. We stayed inside till 7.10pm!
Sitting on the sofa with his hands on me, so comfy. Then lied down on one sofa each, facing each other, talking. Lying on his chest, his arms. Perfect. :)
Since it was raining heavily and the room was dark, ofc he hugged me alot, touching everywhere. :p
Wasnt enough for him so when we were heading back to the study room for our bags, we decided to go to the 5th storey's staircase. Always loves how he hugs me, tightly and touching everywhere, turns me on. :p he told me he would get an erection sometimes so I always wonder if I feel anything touching me down there whenever we hug.
Sat down to talk but a cleaner walked past, awkwarddddd.....so no choice but had to go. ><
Loves his touches. :p
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Extended curriculum has been ongoing for the past 3 days. Quite boring! Only econs is helpful! Had my OGL meeting ytd, screwed it up. Hoping that I will still get in, *fingers crossed. :(
Pon this morning's first lecture: GP.
But still woke up at 7.30am and headed to B's house! Abit unusual cos this is the first time im in his house at such early timing.
Slacked and cuddled on his sofa while watching his YouTube videos! Cuddling wasn't what I have expected, or maybe not to his expectations too haha. Alot of awkward positions. >< but ok la lied on his lap with a pillow on top.
Towards the end was better cos I think that he is quite disappointed for wasting so much time. Like from 8-9.30am he didnt get to touch me alot. So like the last half hour he couldn't take it anymore.
Hold me at my waist while I was tying hair. Pulled me and sat on his lap on the sofa while I was wearing skirt.
Sat behind me on the sofa, like literally me in between his legs, awkward. ><
Hope these turned him on. :p but still, shld have more cuddling sessions cos we both love it but he doesnt know I love it, so I shld initiate more haha!
But still was hoping to go his house tmrw aft 11am, but his grandma will be going his house, sad. :(
Saturday, November 8, 2014
Way past midnight, it's 9nov now!
So 7nov, went back to schl at 9am to submit I&R. Dismissed at 9.45, way too early. So went home to bathe and rest for awhile while meghana, gail and nicole went to B's house to slack! I went thr at 11.45am, watched OITNB with Nicole. Nicole and I went to 163 to have my lunch before heading to plaza! Met them and went back to schl for results.
Did expect Nicole to retain but when it really happens, is another feeling all tgt...
Nicole, fatin, syafiqah, salina.
The 4 in our class who played a role in creating 14A06, love them so much.
Cried alot in schl, couldn't bear to let Nicole retain...
The only friendship that I've became so emotionally attached to. My pillar support. My happy pill.
Went home and packed my tables. Shifted my bed. Went to meet B aft dinner for a walk. Weather was good because it just rained. Drizzled a little when we start walking. So we left his condo and went to blk 152+ to sit and talk for awhile. Decided to walk agn since the weather was good. Cos it was drizzling so it was very quiet and dark. Walked arnd the blocks, past the 7-11. To the stairs leading to ten mile. Since there werent ppl arnd, we hugged, quite long.He carried me haha!
Once he start touching me, everything goes haywire. ><
While walking home, we stopped at blk 148 stairs to hug agn. I thought he was done just now. But no haha. So we continued hugging. This time round was really the most intense. Because his hands was all over my body. While hugging, he did ask me if he was too touchy. Touching me too much or too many times. I said it was fine. I enjoyed him touching me haha. He slide his hands all over my back while tightening his grip on my waist. Touched my arms and hands.
Ofc we must end it off with his fav backhug.
Everytime he touches me, I am turned on. I really do like him touching me. Everywhere. The more the better. The longer the better. Just exceptionally likes it on my waist. I want him to caress me more. I should probably touch him more to let him know that I like it, if not he wouldnt dare to touch me too, haha!
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
No school today and tmrw cos no OP!
Did abit of I&R before heading to Gail's house at 2.30pm!
Reached at 3pm and started playing Dance Central, played with emma. Left her house for Hot Tomato at cwp at arnd 6.30pm! Took the bus at 8.20pm sharp. Alighted a stop before the usual one to take a walk with B. Walked towards bpps that route to near Gate A. With our hands holded. I feel blessed and happy now. :)
Silent night, wet floor. We tested hugging too. He lifted me up which doesnt work haha! As usual, we walked to HDB stairs to hug, but a woman walked past so we had to stop. We walked to blk 148 and climbed up to a story higher whr nobody is able to walk past and judge us. We hugged intensely. His hands arnd my waist, simply love that feeling. It turns me on tbh, even now that I think abt it. As usual, he doesnt want to let me go. He said he could feel my heartbeat, beating very fast. He still loves backhugs the most cos aft hugging, he gave me a backhug, kissed me on by neck. I love backhugs cos his hands are totally wraped arnd my waist. Wanted to take a photo but too hard. So forget it. Aft we are done, we went separate ways back home!
He's turning me into a "touchy" person. Honestly speaking, I want him to hug me aft ytd's hug. I just like him to touch me, esp waist. Staircase hugging isnt a bad thing cos although is secretive, that secretive makes me feel even more turned on. But I hate that we couldnt hug properly and had to rush. Just wanna sit down and cuddle with him. For a long long time. Without feeling stress. Just want him to continue touching me. ><
And I'm hoping to turn him on whenever we hug. :p
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Done my OP today, like finallyyyy. Aft so many weeks of toture from wr and practices for OP. Everything is coming to an end soon on Friday, aft submission of GPF. Cant wait!! OP was alright I guess, everything just went past super quickly.
Got released at 12sharp and headed straight home! Gail had a talk with Bryan abt the confession.
Went home to slp for an hour and met Bryan in his condo at 3.30pm! Went to the cafe to do I&R till arnd 5.15pm and we went to slack arnd his condo. Had heart to heart talk like we usually do. Talked abt why he likes me so much, how much he wants to be tgt with me. And ofc my stand of not being tgt. We got very close tgt physically. Went to play the swing when he let loose. He wanted to touch me but was controlling very hard. So the swing gave him an excuse to touch my waist. For a short while. And we walked and walked. Sat in front of the pool and we talked dirty. He told him whenever he sees me, he is always getting an erection, just that he is controlling. Asked me if I did feel his dick whenever he hugs me. Haha and he told me his fantasies with me too. Basically just a talk abt dirty stuffs. But this means that we are close at a whole new level. I feel more comfortable than before. I feel happy.
At arnd 7.34pm I wanted to go home so we started walking. He offered to hold my hands, so we walked while holding hands which is very sweet. We decided to walk one more round before sending me home. But I started saying abt hugs and our height difference. So we decided to try the "steps hugging". So difficult to find a corner without anyone but with steps so that we can hug. So ended up going to staircase at some block.
So we hugged. His hands wrapping around my waist, gentle yet tightly. He couldnt get enough of it/me. So we hugged for super long. Released alrdy but him hugging me from the back, not wanting to let go. Saying I love you to me and sniffing my hair. Kissing my neck. I love his hands on my waist. I just feel very comfortable. But I hate how we have to do it in staircases or with steps cos we couldn't hug as and when we like...so when we were done we walked out and hugged at the carpark stairs, perfect!!!! But saw his dad while walking out to the back gate which was a fucking shock hahaha.
Overally today was a happy day. I kinda like him touching me now. Like my hair, my arms, especially my waist, major love!!! I hope we can hug longer in future, without stress. Like just long cuddles. I enjoy turning him on now haha. Looking forward to our next huggg which I cannot wait for alrdy. ><
Sunday, October 19, 2014
LIt has been such a long, tiring, fucking pissed/frustrated/upset week from 12/10-19-10.
Nvr been so fucking pissed since that woman left. The whole entire pw grp, excluding gail. Fuck them srsly.
I cried every single day in schl.
Having to stay back till 9pm everyday, having to do drafts after drafts, yet receiving rework as comments.
No regular meals everyday.
Surviving the entire next day in schl with 4-5h of slp the previous night.
Fell sick. Gail too.
So on 17/10, I had no choice but to follow miss geri to teck whye mcd aft school closes at 9pm. But it was fun, ending the shitty week with laughters on friday.
Aloy and bryan's group were there too! Didnt manage to do much so I had to go back schl to meet miss geri on 18/10, saturday to do wr. Bryan came to join us aft he finished printing his wr which became the popular sample wr in 2 nights.
Was really grateful for him cos he helped me alot! We went to his house to do at 4pm all the way till 10pm.
He did rephrasing, formatting and 2 chapters for me. Was really weird to go to his house alone aft we split. Having dinner at his house aft working hard tgt. That was really memorable...
That night felt like we were back to the time when we were dating. Such intimacy, the support. The fun. The laughter. The comfort.
He walked me home and that few nights we did hug. It felt so surreal.
Today I met him at 10am at the resident's corner. Thought only had minor changes but ended up with quite some editing even though I woke up at 6am to edit.
No choice but to go up his house since im waiting for miss geri's reply. Had lunch at his house too! Feel so paiseh to always go his house! But yup, we did and did. Endless work of formatting. Page number fucks us up!!!
Rush to bukit timah shopping centre to print. Saw aloy in the same bus! Waited for an hour before it's our turn. And everything abt wr is over now, so happy. Next week onwards will be OP, my fear.
But im realy touched and grateful for B. He gave me all the support I need when I was down. Accompanied me whenever possible. Comfort me when I cry. Buying meals for me when I dont have time to eat. Ensuring that I drink enough water and eat med. Sending me home everynight. I really hope that I can depend and rely on him so that we can be closer. :)
Thursday, October 2, 2014
Lit was the last paper which ended at 4pm! Headed to J10 with the three for dinner and went to Gail's house to play with emma, qtpie!! Reached home quite late, arnd 9pm+!
No paper so no school! Went out to study with kh although I have ended my promos! Met him but I was really upset cos he was texting eshir for the entire morning till 12pm when I asked him why he can ttyl me when he's studying but not ttyl to her. Im angry and pissed. But ya..
No paper no school! First proper shopping date with Gail, hehehe. ^^ met her at JEM at 10am for brunch at Marche. Had saugage and scrambled egg crepe with a cup of coffee. Food was nice and the ambience was good, totally loving it! Had alot of talkings done with Gail! Went to ION and started shopping from 1-3pm! Called N and B to meet at Gail's house thereafter! But emma had to leave when we reached. So we played rockband with gail and her brother! Nicole havent reach so I went down to fetch her so that we could have a talk! Got the shock of my life when we were abt to go back to Gail's house. Saw eshir walking down the long flight of stairs in front of her block while we were walking up...i turned away and told nicole. We then followed her all the way to cwp. She seemed to recognize me. We went to library building to the second floor so that I can look down and check if she's going to meet kh in the library. Waited for 20min but didnt see her. Scanned the second floor in the library and found them, along with the other john guy. Was really disappointed to witness that scene though. Nicole was really angry too. But we went back to gail's house and played rockband. FUNNNN.
We headed to cwp for Hot Tomato for dinner at 7pm! Food was damn nice hehe! Reached home at 9.30pm! Was damn tired to party for 3days consecutively!
Went to JEM din tai fung for mummy's belated birthday dinner. Quality family time that I enjoy with good food hehe so blessed!!
First kbox session with friends, the 3!! Sang all the popz songs haha likea club! We headed to J10 aft our class ends at 4pm! Sang till 7! Srsly fun hehe! Then headed to some BBQ chicken restaurant for dinner, fishnchips. Not really nice and quite expensive. Wouldnt return to dine agn. Walked home with bryan aft parting with N and G. The walk home was silent...i really dislike how we have become aft our split. Really hope we can return back to how we used to be...
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Can no longer distinguish his reply towards me as coldness/heckcare or because of promos...
Are these merely my insecurities?
I really dislike myself for being so insecure. And transferring all these insecurities to him during his promos period. I know I shld not and ought not to pass all my troubles to him...
MUST CONTROLLLLLL I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM ABT ESHIR ANYMORE. NOT AGAIN.
I must stop my care....
I must stop my feelings....
Promos had ended as of ytd! Went to Gail's house aft having early dinner at J10 with N, B and Gail! We played with emma, the qtpie!! Left at arnd 8.45pm and was dead tired.
Met kh today since he is having 2 days of study break. Met at 8.50am, had kfc breakfast and went to causeway library! Was supposed to be in a good mood. But he ruined it...texting eshir in front of me at such early timing. I understand that it his promos, so all the 'ttyls' from him recently are understandable. Even though he is always still online aft ttyling me, I nvr asked him abt it. He explained it was because of mousehunt. Ya but being online for every 2min in whatsapp is definitely more than mousehunt. Still, I didnt ask him aft that one time. But I witnessed it myself today. Going out with me to study while texting her...when he studies alone, he will ttyl me. But if he studies with her, he wont bother to text me. Yet, texting her while studying with me. Everything is clearly presented. He can claim how much he loves me, how much im his priority and how much I matter to him as compared to other girls. But actions are louder than words. His actions simply doesnt tally with his words. If he really loves and chooses me, he shld not even text her with those emoji in the first place, joking or not, he shouldnt have. Yes, he did admit his feelings for her. But he did also claim that he had chosen me in the end. Yet he still goes on with his over interaction with her. True, I am in no position to comment on his behaviours, but I just feel really hurt. Hurt by his betrayal. If he did not tell me how much he loves me, how much I matter to him and whatnot, I wouldnt have had these expectations of him.
Can I really let go of him and dont mention a word abt bgr/eshir to him anymore? Can I really dont care abt him anymore? I really want to withdraw myself out of this. Fuck this shit.
Saturday, September 13, 2014
On bus alone in 700A, otw home after meeting up with willeen in town.
Thinking abt Bryan.
We split ytd, initiated by me. I feel very sorry towards him, for causing hurt to me. Because kh still matters to me...
I know B can get over me quickly. But I have still hurt him afterall. All the memories that we have created, all the sweet texts.
Have not talked to kh for 5days alrdy. He initiated not to contact for now, at least till after my promos. What's my feelings for him, I really wonder abt this alot....
Saturday, August 30, 2014
It's 12.41am on the 31st aug when I typed this sentence. So technically I shld be using ytd in this entry. Is on 30th aug.
Met B under my void deck at 9.30am sharp to go to schl and study! We took a walk to schl because I thought that thw weather was quite breezy. Turns out that there is no wind while we walked. But it's okay, we enjoyed each other's company. :) reached the canal and we were figuring what is the best method to hold my hand cos of our height difference. >< ended up with the normal way although is abit weird cos of the height. We talked abt my insecurities and pessimism as we continued walking, hands held tgt. He is patient, caring and understanding. Telling me not to be worried as he held my hands tighter. I can sense that he really loves me and wants to continue the journey with me, am greatly touched. We went to the 3rd floor consultation area, just outside teachers' staffroom! No one was there and the whole entire time was super quiet. We sat down and started on our sea deco essay. We had small chats, letting the quietness seep into us. Really enjoyed the moment. Took a break for awhile and skinshipped. He stroked my hair which no one ever does that before. He shifted his chair closer to me and put his arms arnd my shoulders as we talked. I leaned onto him for a short while. All these little actions are making me feel connected to him. I feel that he really wants us to work out. He did stood up and hugged my head when I was sitting down. After which we did some math and had a little chat to end the study session at 1pm sharp! In the bus, he held my hand. Talked abt my finger nails and said that the more different I am from carina, the more he loves me. He loves how I am showing my true side to him. I really appreciated what he told me. He is accepting my flaws. We talked abt my family and his family while otw to plaza! When we reached my void deck, he hugged me, pecked a kiss on my hair.
We wanted to meet and exercise tgt in the evening, but it rained so heavily. We were disappointed initially but the rain stopped at 5.30pm, so I was able to go and meet him! We did not go to the gym. We went to the small park near cashew height terrace. Not a single person there. Weather was perfect because it just rained. Took a stroll before he started running while I walked continuously. 6.40pm, we were done, took a walk to the swing. He held my waist and push me while I was on the swing. That moment was magical. I was truly enjoying myself with his presence. We had a talk abt random stuffs until 7.15pm before he walked me home. We held hands, letting him to send me till blk 147 because I didnt want my parents to see. He was very reluctant to let me go. Hugged me tightly. Received a text from him at arnd 8.45pm just now, so extremely touched that I teared. I feel like he is trying his best to understand me better, getting close with me. I can see myself opening to him more, trying to let him enter my heart. I really hope we will walk the journey together. No matter tough or easy, I need to give it a try, with him by my side.
Anyway I gave him my first hug on Fri, 29aug! Aft the 987dj thing ended, nicole had her dinner in school. Before we left, we went to find him in the hall. Called him out and gave him a hug. Although the 2 SCs saw. >< but ya that was the first time I initiated a hug. So it means smth to both of us. :)
I want to record all of the moments we spend tgt, looking back at the small steps that we made in improving our dating process. All of these are precious memories of mine which I want to cherish by penning them down. :)
I love you.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
Aft ytd's h2h talk, im sure B and I definitely get closer to each other even more. Or at least had a deeper level of understanding of each other. :)
And we are considered as dating as of ytd. Idk whether this is a good choice because of the timing, parents, studies, kh. I feel guilty. Yet I cant stop myself. I love how the way things are right now. I cannot afford to go into a r/s. At least not now. Im not ready to enter and commit in a r/s. I'm scared...
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Shortshort update before I fell asleep, on bed with the lights off alrdy!
Went out to plaza mac to study with B today! Met at 10.10am under my void deck! Nicole reached at like 11.20 and left at 12.30pm for church! Did math within that 2h! Continued with lit aft that and had our lunch at food court! B was so funny and amusing! He wanted to help me to buy 手功面but didnt hear me quite well at first. So he came back and asked sotong noodle? HAHA canot take it! Aft that he suggested going to his house to do hmwrk since it's raining and we had nowhere to go. Felt a little weird and awkward at first...because this is the first time im going to a guy's house..going to B's house alone... He called back and his parents agreed! We studied in the dining room with Bridgette! Did some econs drawings from 3-4.45, thereabout! Stood up and stayed at the living room for awhile, looking out from his balcony. Nice view! And saw how comfortable he is with me, felt quite happy. :) went to his room at like 5.45pm and we stayed inside to have a h2h talk till 7.15pm. Talked abt how I feel that his feelings for me are temporary, unsure and uncertain. Talked abt me and kh. Talked abt carina and him. Most importantly, we shared our views on us entering a r/s. Abt what he sees in me. The mood was that perfect. Dark room, raining outside. Just me and him, in his room, having a sincere talk with each other. I feel really comfortable. He showed me his collection of self written love poems, explaining alot of them to me. Made alot of sense and is very meaningful. Again, he is so comfortable with me that he doesnt care abt his image. I love seeing how comfortable he is with me. :) talked alot abt our physical contact and the speed we are progressing now. I hope that he can get to know me more in the shortest time possible because I genuinely hope that we will work out...but ya still looking forward to more of our adventures! ;)
Oh and he sent me home, and we hugged the second time. Actually it was a genuine hug from me today, cos I really did hug him, not halfheartedly. Can say that im liking our physical contact, but im just hoping more of his understanding for me asap! :)
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Just came back from school an hour ago at like 9.30pm. So tired. Stayed back with Nicole and B for night study! Not vwry productive though. But it's okay. Nicole cried alot today, heartpain to see her this way.
But point is..
While walking home from 190 bus stop, B asked me how I felt after his confession. I told him shocked at first cos of the timing and then feeling more of okay now because we were not very awkward and are still communicating well! Talked abt how our classmates were making fun of us, and realizing that he likes me. He always observe me in class during lessons, thats why it's obvious. He told me he subconsciously turned to look at me...
Know that im tired, told him I will fall sick soon at this rate im going. He told me that I cannot miss schl cos he will miss me. Nobody goes home with me. So I said "making use of me to go home with you only la" and his reply "finding an excuse la" haha, qtpie. He said "I love you" twice today, dont know if he really meant it cos he said it in a somewhat joking tone. And then....when we reached my void deck, he said "hug me" and before I could even respond, he hugged me..shocked of my life like srsly. Totally not expecting it at all...our skinship is really getting out of control!!!! Idk if thats good or bad. It suddenly gave me the feeling of him wanting to do as much skinship with me as possible. >< but I dont doubt his feelings cos I can still tell from his actions! Is just that at this rate we are going, im 90% sure that we will end up in a relationship. It is only the matter of time...
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Time is really zooming past like so quickly...left approximately a little less than 1 month to start of promos. I haven even start any revision for any subjects yet, omg, panic attackkkk.
But I believe when time comes, everything will work its way out. Trying to be more calm and worry less!!
On a side note, I received a confession from Bryan on 18/08! We had our lit test and left school at 7.30pm! Went home with both of them and ya as usual B and I walked home. He did not mention anything while walking. But the moment I stepped into the house, my phone rang. A call from him. Wondering if he had forgotten to pass me anything since we parted less than 5min ago...and no...
He said "Joyce, I had a problem." and im like "ya what". And he went "I like you"
Was so shocked because im totally not expecting it...asked him if he was being serious and he replied with a yes. Told him to talk after he reached home. And so ya, we started to talk through text. But I still cannot believe that he made this confession at this timing when promos are starting...i thought he would have at least waited till the end of promos. 2 days of interaction after his confession, nth have changed! Except that I feel abit more awkward? But ok la still enjoying his presence though! :)
Stayed for consultation with nicole after our chinese mock at 6pm! She consulted ms geri about her eom! Thought it would take fast, but they ended up talking abt Nicole's studies. B came and joined us aft his fun dance! We left for a moment to charge Nicole's lappy while Nicole had a talk with ms geri. I ended up crying when we went back because I was really upset with the fact that Nicole has a possibility of retaining... Cried so badly in front of B and Nicole. >< but ya, they comforted me!! Really hoping Nicole can promote with us, like really, seriously....
Sunday, August 17, 2014
Why am I feeling this way
Why am I caring more abt bryan than I shld
I know that he's still unsure of his feelings for me. Idw to rush things out with him.
I only want to hear his confession when he is really really super sure and confident that he likes me.
Idw him to feel obliged to confession
Im enjoying his company and presence each day in school/outside school.
I find myself wanting to spend more time with him, wanting to understand him more
I know I shouldn't, but I cant control myself...
NEED TO FOCUS ON PROMOS INSTEAD.
GET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT. Not that this affected me alot, but it is just distracting sometimes...for example now. Studying econs turn into a blogging session. ><
Idk what is on his mind. He is infatuated but fickleminded. Yet, his actions seemed to convey some message...like ytd for example. All the physical contact made, I cant even. >< he can grab my waist that naturally..does he do that to any girl that he is close to? Really makes me insecure. ><
Saturday, August 9, 2014
Just randomly updating stuffs here!
Went to pj's PVP event last saturday, 02/08! Not really fun, just another mini gathering with nicole and bryan! Haunted house was fun though, unforgettable! ;)
Went with the two of them as well as yongle! Screamed so much, like omg. >< abit weird also cos that was the first time I had such close contact with bryan. >< he was basically hugging me as we walked slowly, but still thankful for him! :)
Then we had badminton session on 08/08 since we were dismissed early from school! Played for an hour only before we sat down and talked. Listened to Nicole's story for 1h, like at 7pm. The ambience was good, atmosphere was good. Breeze and night with great company. Enjoying every second at that point of time. So blessed whenever im with the two of them. :) then hit on the gym ytd, 09/08 with Bryan at his condo! Abit weird cos there's only the two of us. But I still enjoyed it nevertheless! Sweated quite abit, shiokkk. ^^ he walked me home afterwards. :) little actions that made me feel touched...we had a talk from 11pm till 3am last night. Like omg, longest talk ever for us. Told him more about kh while kindda confirm his feelings for me. Idk if im ready to know because he still hasnt confessed yet. Idw to rush things out. Neither am I confident to enter a r/s with him...in such a dilemma...
His words ytd made me feel that im special, yet at the same time I had to think of kh, tgt with bryan's closeness with other girls as well as how different we are in terms of communication. But now, everything hasnt confirm yet. Maybe he's just infatuating me, so I shld focus on promos, arnd 38days more I guess? >< hope to promote up tgt with nicole and bryan, like super major wish. :(
Monday, July 28, 2014
Such a happy day today, need to pen this down so that I can read back and feel blessed!
Went to BBCC to study with Bryan for the past two weekends! On 25th july we were not productive. So went to jcube to find Nicole who's doing her pw survey thr! Helped her complete 14 copies as bryan and I slacked at the ice skating rink! Quite a pleasant day! Today we met at 12pm at railmall's subway to do work! End up not really productive, but still managed to complete some work!! :) after which, we went to bryan's house to play badminton at arnd 5pm! Carol and his sister joined us too! Had alot of laughter and fun today because with both of them arnd, I can nvr ever dont laugh! So blessed to have them with me for jc days. :) cant wait to have more fun with them for the rest of the 2years and hopefully be super close aft jc too!! ^^
Bryan's unconfirmed infatuation sort of shocked me. Idk what to say. Although his actions did make me expect that he is infatuated with me, it is still really surprising when he admits it to Nicole. Be it confirmed or unconfirmed. Really curious what they talked abt this afternoon while im away!! Also witnessed a new side of him today. Witnessing how loving and caring he is towards his younger sister is a whole new experience. Haha no wonder he is so good with girls.
He's certainly the type who has boyfr qualities and material, but I know that we are impossible. But tbh, im really curious as to how he will treat his girlfr in future..
Nevertheless, Nicole and Bryan definitely make my school days more fun and tolerable!! Not dreading school as much and am looking forward to going to schl everyday. ^^
Monday, July 21, 2014
Weeks aft weeks, there are bound to be quarrels. We can settle one case and when I have decided to be optimistic and have a little more faith, shit happens agn.
Tbh, im really really affected by eshir. Met Bryan for study session at bbcc ytd from 11am-5pm, and met him for dinner. Met at yishun mrt along with his two other friends which included eshir. Ya, tall and smart. Wouldn't say that shes pretty, but decent looking. Throughout the ride, I did not speak much. Thinking back now, he did not speak much to her as well. Probably because of my presence which makes them feel awkward and unease. Showing how close they are if not for my presence thr. For him to even admit that he's close with her alrdy explains everything because it is not easy for him to say that he's close with a girl. So if he does feel that they are close, means they are really on close terms. The images of him interacting with her just filled my mind every few minutes. Really felt extremely tired for having these imageries and mindset. From her photos, it is clear to see their degree of closeness too. Dont know what to do now.
With bryan adding in...it just makes everything so complicated. Bryan's actions really make me scared now. Im not implying that he will like me in future or likes me now cos he still loves carina. But the fact that me loving him, yet still being so close with bryan scares me. Because I know I shouldnt do this. But I couldnt deny that im attracted to bryan. Is not the attraction where love is involved. But more of like, he's very sweet and thoughtful in his actions. I constantly find images of him in Bryan. But I know bryan treats every girl like how he treats me, except for Carina. So I shld not think so much.
Still couldn't get over the fact that hes close with eshir. It just hurts, badly. Tearing almost every single night. I wonder how long can I last. I would rather he give up on me now and let me try to forget abt him too. It's hard. But it's far better than the situation we are in right now. The fact that he does not want to give up, yet being so close with eshir. Yet I have no rights to say anything, knowing that he's really trying to restrict himself. Makes me feel super upset and hurt. Because I can simply do nth, but to see how close he is with eshir.
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Just a short writeup before I sleep!
MYE results have been released. My results are definitely not ideal, not what I have expected. Nevertheless, I see it as a part of learning from my mistakes and hopefully not repeat them agn in promos!
Passed GP which made me quite relieved, although it's barely passed but I nvr expected myself to even sub pass it, so yup! :) Econs was such a disappointment although I knew I did badly. But I wasn't expecting such a grade. Math was quite surprising, contented with it but hoping to get an A for promos! :) History definitely can be improved. >< no words to say for literature because im still in the midst of grasping it...promos exams in another 8 weeks++, time is ultra fast in jc, omg!! Cannot believe that im ending my year one so soon. Really need to buck up for promos and get myself promoted. ><
On another note, we didnt text at all for exactly 1 week as of now! I get very affected by it. I check his WA last seen every few hours. Seeing him online makes me wonder if he's texting other girls. Seeing him online makes me wonder if he's texting me soon or if he's checking on me like how im checking on him. It's wrong but this shows that I care. Couldn't even rmb how many countless of times I check WA in one day. Every night before I sleep, I wonder if he missed me like how much I missed him. Not texting makes me realize the distance between us even more. Not texting somehow makes me feel even more insecure. I tell myself perhaps he needs his own time. I tell myself perhaps he is busy. But his text doesnt come as days passes. Cannot deny that I feel sad and disappointed because I couldnt even rmb when was the last time he automatically text me first. But agn, I tell myself to trust him. I trust that even without texting, we are still connected, somehow or another. I tell myself if I really love him, we dont have to text 24/7. Im trying my best to give us some time. But, jealousy still creeps in in my heart. I stalked his pw mates which was wrong of me. But I really couldnt help it. Guess that they went to catch a movie ytd if im not wrong. I'm trying to backout now.....
I feel so tired of missing him
I feel so tired of thinking about my insecurities
I feel so tired of waiting
I feel like giving up
But, smth in me makes me doesnt want to give up at the same time.
I understand that being in diff schools will definitely bring a change in us. I understand that both of us have our own group of friends and our own lives to carry on. I cannot simply ask him to not hang out with his friends just because of me.
Perhaps, I need to learn how to care lesser, be more independent.
Sometimes, I really wonder what is going through in his mind.
Is he really in love with me? Or is he in love with the idea of loving me? Are his feelings going to sustain? How much do I actually mean to him? How does he think of me, us? Do he think of 'us' when 'us' is not even present now? Does he see a future with me? Does he even include me in his future?
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Change. Change is inevitable as we grow up. Environment changes and so do we. These few days have been tiring and unbearable for me. Aft telling him I have began to open up more to him and not against the idea of us being tgt, our relationship really changes alot. I began to realize im not just opening up to him more. I began to realize the fact that he has alrdy became a part in me over the years, just that I know and simply ignored the fact or I only realize it now. I can clearly see the importance of him when I reflect on my actions. I cannot help but to be jealous over very little things. Perhaps due to the diff schl we are in now, it made me feel very insecure. Idk whats going on, trying to comprehend every overreaction of mine. Trying to control my feelings is just so tiring, so stressful, so intolerable. I nvr knew things could turn out this way for me, for us. I nvr see this day coming at all. But, I promise myself to care lesser from now on. I will try my best to focus on my studies each day, focusing on enjoying my life, focusing on creating new memories with new people. Can't wait to join the OGL camp to meet and interact with new people. :) I believe whats meant to be will be. No use forcing. On a side note, let me vent my feelings here. ><
I feel very affected by what he told me abt his ec. Abt him putting images of me onto the girl. Abt him being excited to talk to her. Abt him feeling eager to hug her. Since he can easily find someone similar to me 3months ago, he can also find a girl to his liking during the next 3months, next next 3months. I feel affected by how he treats girls sensitively. I feel affected by how he is close to eshir and they are in the same pw group. I feel affected by how he is still with her and the group at 11pm at night. I feel affected by the littlest thing possible. I feel annoyed by myself for being so possessive. I feel annoyed by myself for wanting to control him when he's already sacrificing so much. I feel annoyed by myself for being so demanding and selfish. I feel annoyed by myself for being so useless. Simply because, I care for him.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Holidays ending tmrw with exams for 4 days and im so done with MYE! ^^
Great end to the holidays by meeting up with da gang for dinner! <3 Also somehow confessed my feelings and talk it out with kh, feel so relieved and happy! :) although I am not very sure of my feelings, I certainly feel myself changing! Although I might not have confidence, I believe he would give me the confidence that I need. :) I will trust my gut feelings and have trust in him. But we promised to let nature take its course! Even if we did not end up tgt ultimately, I am still glad to have him by my side for the past 4 years! Really starting to wonder what will become of us aft our Alevels exams, cant wait!!! ><
Meanwhile, im pretty excited for tfios movie date with him aft our mye, hopefully on youth day if we both can make it, hehe. :p
Study time for now!! ^^
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Holidays are already ending soon. Im entering the third week of June holidays starting from tmrw. So far I have done nth productive or worth to mention of.
First week was extra lessons, alongside my birthday. Such a disappointment this year. All of my closest friends did not even sent me a text. Dk what kind of friends I have kept with me. But, I did receive a cake and card with well wishes from Adli, Rachel and Meghana. Such a sweet bunch to come my void deck. Although it wasnt much, it's the thoughts that counts, considering that they were not exactly close with me, so thankful yup! ;) The first two weeks were time spent on watching kdrama. Besides that, I practically did nth useful to my studies. T.T
But I did started History revision, morw or less done now! Did a bit of Math practice and am starting on Econs tmrw to prepare for mye. :) first internal formal exams since the start of JC. GP mye was already over, dk how well did I fare! ><
Recently thinking of alot of stuffs. Particularly friendship. 17 years of life thus far and I still haven't managed to find a true best friend. Quite a saddening fact...
BGR problems. Aft separating into diff jc, me and kh definitely did drifted. We did not meet since march holidays and were talking lesser as days passed. Came to realize the fact that distance does matter afterall. I blamed myself for not cherishing him and whatever he had done for me thus far when he was still beside me. Not that he isnt beside me now, but the feeling just differs after we went to diff schools. I still dont know my feelings for him. Am I taking him for granted for the past 3 years that I haven't realize my actual feelings for him? Or am I just purely shunning out him from being my boyfr without any reasons?
Whatever the reasons are, it's already all too late. We are meeting and interacting with different people in different schools. Environment changes everyone. So his feelings for me will eventually fade away, or has already faded since idk when. I cannot be selfish and ask him to wait for me since im not 100% sure that we can be tgt aft Alevels.
The fact that such a close and trusted friend of mine will eventually leave me just saddens me so much.
Just hope that I can mix around and interact with new ppl in school, opening up to more people easily to have a fruitful JC life instead of just living in a shell everyday for 2 years consecutively! :)
To the next post! ;)
Sunday, May 11, 2014
It has been 3months plus since school starts. This few weeks were tedious and tiring with tests after tests, makeup lessons after makeup lessons. Not forgetting homeworks, PW and college day rehearsal. Really dont know why and how others can have so much life during weekends. Couldnt comprehend their attitude towards learning. Not like they dont deserve to have life, but for people who are weak in their studies, shouldn't they be focusing more on studies? Yet again, people who are smart can definitely afford to have more fun during weekends! Trying fucking hard to study hard right now, making sure im able to do well for every test and mye thats coming up. Although it's tedious now, at least I wont regret when I look back next time. :) yes, I do not have a fun life and are always studying, but I do not want to risk having fun now and regret later! Afterall, it's my results and future!
Mother's Day today, went to JEM for dinner at DingTaiFeng! Nice and yummy dinner, loveeeee. :D walked arnd! Always being tempted into buying clothes, want to keep up with fashion trend so badly. Want to buy contact lens so badly. :( H&M have so many affordable and pretty clothes!!! I'm so gonna work very hard aft Alevels end, earn alot of money and spent like crazy!!! Abit too early to talk abt the end of Alevels now, but really cant wait to shop!!!!!!!!!!! Hoping my JC life will be a fruitful one with fun and laughter alongside studying hard!! :)
Friday, February 21, 2014
Actual lessons have alrdy began a week ago. So far so good, just that I have to get used to the lecture style of teaching! My class is getting quite bonded and I really truly love my class except for a minority of ppl! :) Adli baked cookies on Vday for the class, nice to eat and sweet hehe. ^^ Bryan gave us a stalk of rose each too! Glenna prepared sweets and chocolate! How sweet can my classmates be!! ^^ New transferred student joined our class ytd, dont really fancy her...I have been enjoying all my lectures thus fun, esp econs! :) Hope everything goes smoothly! Went to queenstown today with mummy! She bought a pair of Nike shoes while I bought 2 fbts, 5pairs of sock and clay mask! Hope that the clay mask works for me considering the rave abt it! :) mum also bought me my jansport bag and 2 pair of rubi shoes previously! Loving and cherishing everything and everyone in my life so far, so blessed!! :) Nicole and rachel are good company of friends in sch, enjoy their presence! To more fun experiences and journey along the 2 years of jc life hehe. :D will update this space agn soon!!
Sunday, February 9, 2014
School has officially started as of 6feb. Reported at 7.30am with Melissa and was posted to MG32. Awkward with absolutely no one that I know of in the group. Had talks almost the entire day with some intro and ice breaking games within the group. Matriculation day 2, familiarized with ppl in my grp but still no actual conversations. >< went for intro lectures of various subjects as well as school tour. Oh and learning some of the pj cheers. :) ended the day well! Tmr will be matriculation day 3 with more bonding session and CCA day as well! Hoping to join a cca which can change my personality a little...throughout these 2 days, I have came to like pj! The J2s and my MGLs are friendly and helpful. Pj spirit is also thr, so bonded as a whole! Everyone seems to be happy and cheerful! So I hope on Wednesday when in the orientation group, im able to make friends with several ppl and enjoy my JC life! :) I wish to record every bits of my jc life, esp the beginning so that I can recall go see how I have made friends with my future best friends! Back for more updates next weekend! ^^
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Back with another post! It's currently 12.35am on 3feb! Cny day 1 and 2 are usual visiting and day 3 was spent at our house! Chatted for so long with huanran on day2 at 4th aunt's house and we continued a short talk today! He's really sociable and friendly, helpful and mature. Really hope to be as sociable as him in JC and open up to many new ppl, making new friends! :) enjoyable talk! Hope we can catch up very soon! Posting results is releasing on 5thfeb and school starts officially on 6thFeb with orientation and all. Haven prepare myself yet. >< that's if for now hehe!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Back again to pen down my thoughts, thought it would be good to let me recall events in future when I'm reading this blog. :)
Os came and passed quickly, alrdy forgotten how the papers were in terms of difficulty level. In fact I have just received my Os results on 13th Jan 2014! Before I mention anything abt that, I worked in zhps with kh, jinhuey at the school bookshop! Enjoyable and fun, as of now I'm unemployed haha! Spend almost 3/4 of my holidays with kh I think! :)
On the day of releasing Os results, I went home immediately aft I received mine without even looking at it in school. Was really nervous to look at it at home. Results was 4B3, 1A1 and 2A2s with a raw point of 14 for L1R5. Was satisfied with my results but disappointed with Combined humanities...but it's okay! :) decided to go to PJC aft visiting the open house with kh! Went back to wsss with him to consult Miss Chang abt JC lit..quite a worth consultation because I take away with a few conclusions! Miss Chang was really kind enough to share her viewpoints with me, giving me opinions. She also introduced her friend Nicholas to us, who's currently a relief teacher in WSSS! He shared his experience too on H2 econs and lit! So ending the post with my decision of H2 econs lit and history with H1math! :) submitting my JAE tmr and really hope my JC life and studies can go on smoothly! :)