Monday, July 21, 2014

Another fight.

Weeks aft weeks, there are bound to be quarrels. We can settle one case and when I have decided to be optimistic and have a little more faith, shit happens agn.
Tbh, im really really affected by eshir. Met Bryan for study session at bbcc ytd from 11am-5pm, and met him for dinner. Met at yishun mrt along with his two other friends which included eshir. Ya, tall and smart. Wouldn't say that shes pretty, but decent looking. Throughout the ride, I did not speak much. Thinking back now, he did not speak much to her as well. Probably because of my presence which makes them feel awkward and unease. Showing how close they are if not for my  presence thr. For him to even admit that he's close with her alrdy explains everything because it is not easy for him to say that he's close with a girl. So if he does feel that they are close, means they are really on close terms. The images of him interacting with her just filled my mind every few minutes. Really felt extremely tired for having these imageries and mindset. From her photos, it is clear to see their degree of closeness too. Dont know what to do now.
With bryan adding just makes everything so complicated. Bryan's actions really make me scared now. Im not implying that he will like me in future or likes me now cos he still loves carina. But the fact that me loving him, yet still being so close with bryan scares me. Because I know I shouldnt do this. But I couldnt deny that im attracted to bryan. Is not the attraction where love is involved. But more of like, he's very sweet and thoughtful in his actions. I constantly find images of him in Bryan. But I know bryan treats every girl like how he treats me, except for Carina. So I shld not think so much.
Still couldn't get over the fact that hes close with eshir. It just hurts, badly. Tearing almost every single night. I wonder how long can I last. I would rather he give up on me now and let me try to forget abt him too. It's hard. But it's far better than the situation we are in right now. The fact that he does not want to give up, yet being so close with eshir. Yet I have no rights to say anything, knowing that he's really trying to restrict himself. Makes me feel super upset and hurt. Because I can simply do nth, but to see how close he is with eshir.
It hurts.

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