Saturday, September 13, 2014

X

On bus alone in 700A, otw home after meeting up with willeen in town.
Thinking abt Bryan.
We split ytd, initiated by me. I feel very sorry towards him, for causing hurt to me. Because kh still matters to me...
I know B can get over me quickly. But I have still hurt him afterall. All the memories that we have created, all the sweet texts.
Have not talked to kh for 5days alrdy. He initiated not to contact for now, at least till after my promos. What's my feelings for him, I really wonder abt this alot....

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Blessed.

It's 12.41am on the 31st aug when I typed this sentence. So technically I shld be using ytd in this entry. Is on 30th aug.
Met B under my void deck at 9.30am sharp to go to schl and study! We took a walk to schl because I thought that thw weather was quite breezy. Turns out that there is no wind while we walked. But it's okay, we enjoyed each other's company. :) reached the canal and we were figuring what is the best method to hold my hand cos of our height difference. >< ended up with the normal way although is abit weird cos of the height. We talked abt my insecurities and pessimism as we continued walking, hands held tgt. He is patient, caring and understanding. Telling me not to be worried as he held my hands tighter. I can sense that he really loves me and wants to continue the journey with me, am greatly touched. We went to the 3rd floor consultation area, just outside teachers' staffroom! No one was there and the whole entire time was super quiet. We sat down and started on our sea deco essay. We had small chats, letting the quietness seep into us. Really enjoyed the moment. Took a break for awhile and skinshipped. He stroked my hair which no one ever does that before. He shifted his chair closer to me and put his arms arnd my shoulders as we talked. I leaned onto him for a short while. All these little actions are making me feel connected to him. I feel that he really wants us to work out. He did stood up and hugged my head when I was sitting down. After which we did some math and had a little chat to end the study session at 1pm sharp! In the bus, he held my hand. Talked abt my finger nails and said that the more different I am from carina, the more he loves me. He loves how I am showing my true side to him. I really appreciated what he told me. He is accepting my flaws. We talked abt my family and his family while otw to plaza! When we reached my void deck, he hugged me, pecked a kiss on my hair.
We wanted to meet and exercise tgt in the evening, but it rained so heavily. We were disappointed initially but the rain stopped at 5.30pm, so I was able to go and meet him! We did not go to the gym. We went to the small park near cashew height terrace. Not a single person there. Weather was perfect because it just rained. Took a stroll before he started running while I walked continuously. 6.40pm, we were done, took a walk to the swing. He held my waist and push me while I was on the swing. That moment was magical. I was truly enjoying myself with his presence. We had a talk abt random stuffs until 7.15pm before he walked me home. We held hands, letting him to send me till blk 147 because I didnt want my parents to see. He was very reluctant to let me go. Hugged me tightly. Received a text from him at arnd 8.45pm just now, so extremely touched that I teared. I feel like he is trying his best to understand me better, getting close with me. I can see myself opening to him more, trying to let him enter my heart. I really hope we will walk the journey together. No matter tough or easy, I need to give it a try, with him by my side.
Anyway I gave him my first hug on Fri, 29aug! Aft the 987dj thing ended, nicole had her dinner in school. Before we left, we went to find him in the hall. Called him out and gave him a hug. Although the 2 SCs saw. >< but ya that was the first time I initiated a hug. So it means smth to both of us. :)
I want to record all of the moments we spend tgt, looking back at the small steps that we made in improving our dating process. All of these are precious memories of mine which I want to cherish by penning them down. :)
I love you.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

-

Aft ytd's h2h talk, im sure B and I definitely get closer to each other even more. Or at least had a deeper level of understanding of each other. :)
And we are considered as dating as of ytd. Idk whether this is a good choice because of the timing, parents, studies, kh. I feel guilty. Yet I cant stop myself. I love how the way things are right now. I cannot afford to go into a r/s. At least not now. Im not ready to enter and commit in a r/s. I'm scared...

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Update

Shortshort update before I fell asleep, on bed with the lights off alrdy!
Went out to plaza mac to study with B today! Met at 10.10am under my void deck! Nicole reached at like 11.20 and left at 12.30pm for church! Did math within that 2h! Continued with lit aft that and had our lunch at food court! B was so funny and amusing! He wanted to help me to buy 手功面but didnt hear me quite well at first. So he came back and asked sotong noodle? HAHA canot take it! Aft that he suggested going to his house to do hmwrk since it's raining and we had nowhere to go. Felt a little weird and awkward at first...because this is the first time im going to a guy's house..going to B's house alone... He called back and his parents agreed! We studied in the dining room with Bridgette! Did some econs drawings from 3-4.45, thereabout! Stood up and stayed at the living room for awhile, looking out from his balcony. Nice view! And saw how comfortable he is with me, felt quite happy. :) went to his room at like 5.45pm and we stayed inside to have a h2h talk till 7.15pm. Talked abt how I feel that his feelings for me are temporary, unsure and uncertain. Talked abt me and kh. Talked abt carina and him. Most importantly, we shared our views on us entering a r/s. Abt what he sees in me. The mood was that perfect. Dark room, raining outside. Just me and him, in his room, having a sincere talk with each other. I feel really comfortable. He showed me his collection of self written love poems, explaining alot of them to me. Made alot of sense and is very meaningful. Again, he is so comfortable with me that he doesnt care abt his image. I love seeing how comfortable he is with me. :) talked alot abt our physical contact and the speed we are progressing now. I hope that he can get to know me more in the shortest time possible because I genuinely hope that we will work out...but ya still looking forward to more of our adventures! ;)
Oh and he sent me home, and we hugged the second time. Actually it was a genuine hug from me today, cos I really did hug him, not halfheartedly. Can say that im liking our physical contact, but im just hoping more of his understanding for me asap! :)

Thursday, August 21, 2014

OMG

Just came back from school an hour ago at like 9.30pm. So tired. Stayed back with Nicole and B for night study! Not vwry productive though. But it's okay. Nicole cried alot today, heartpain to see her this way.
But point is..
While walking home from 190 bus stop, B asked me how I felt after his confession. I told him shocked at first cos of the timing and then feeling more of okay now because we were not very awkward and are still communicating well! Talked abt how our classmates were making fun of us, and realizing that he likes me. He always observe me in class during lessons, thats why it's obvious. He told me he subconsciously turned to look at me...
Know that im tired, told him I will fall sick soon at this rate im going. He told me that I cannot miss schl cos he will miss me. Nobody goes home with me. So I said "making use of me to go home with you only la" and his reply "finding an excuse la" haha, qtpie. He said "I love you" twice today, dont know if he really meant it cos he said it in a somewhat joking tone. And then....when we reached my void deck, he said "hug me" and before I could even respond, he hugged me..shocked of my life like srsly. Totally not expecting it at all...our skinship is really getting out of control!!!! Idk if thats good or bad. It suddenly gave me the feeling of him wanting to do as much skinship with me as possible. >< but I dont doubt his feelings cos I can still tell from his actions! Is just that at this rate we are going, im 90% sure that we will end up in a relationship. It is only the matter of time...

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

TIME

Time is really zooming past like so quickly...left approximately a little less than 1 month to start of promos. I haven even start any revision for any subjects yet, omg, panic attackkkk.
But I believe when time comes, everything will work its way out. Trying to be more calm and worry less!!
On a side note, I received a confession from Bryan on 18/08! We had our lit test and left school at 7.30pm! Went home with both of them and ya as usual B and I walked home. He did not mention anything while walking. But the moment I stepped into the house, my phone rang. A call from him. Wondering if he had forgotten to pass me anything since we parted less than 5min ago...and no...
He said "Joyce, I had a problem." and im like "ya what". And he went "I like you"
Was so shocked because im totally not expecting it...asked him if he was being serious and he replied with a yes. Told him to talk after he reached home. And so ya, we started to talk through text. But I still cannot believe that he made this confession at this timing when promos are starting...i thought he would have at least waited till the end of promos. 2 days of interaction after his confession, nth have changed! Except that I feel abit more awkward? But ok la still enjoying his presence though! :)
Stayed for consultation with nicole after our chinese mock at 6pm! She consulted ms geri about her eom! Thought it would take fast, but they ended up talking abt Nicole's studies. B came and joined us aft his fun dance! We left for a moment to charge Nicole's lappy while Nicole had a talk with ms geri. I ended up crying when we went back because I was really upset with the fact that Nicole has a possibility of retaining... Cried so badly in front of B and Nicole. >< but ya, they comforted me!! Really hoping Nicole can promote with us, like really, seriously....

Sunday, August 17, 2014

WHY

Why am I feeling this way
Why am I caring more abt bryan than I shld
Whywhywhy
I know that he's still unsure of his feelings for me. Idw to rush things out with him.
I only want to hear his confession when he is really really super sure and confident that he likes me.
Idw him to feel obliged to confession
Im enjoying his company and presence each day in school/outside school.
I find myself wanting to spend more time with him, wanting to understand him more
I know I shouldn't, but I cant control myself...
NEED TO FOCUS ON PROMOS INSTEAD.
GET MY PRIORITIES RIGHT. Not that this affected me alot, but it is just distracting sometimes...for example now. Studying econs turn into a blogging session. ><
Idk what is on his mind. He is infatuated but fickleminded. Yet, his actions seemed to convey some message...like ytd for example. All the physical contact made, I cant even. >< he can grab my waist that naturally..does he do that to any girl that he is close to? Really makes me insecure. ><