Just a short writeup before I sleep!
MYE results have been released. My results are definitely not ideal, not what I have expected. Nevertheless, I see it as a part of learning from my mistakes and hopefully not repeat them agn in promos!
Passed GP which made me quite relieved, although it's barely passed but I nvr expected myself to even sub pass it, so yup! :) Econs was such a disappointment although I knew I did badly. But I wasn't expecting such a grade. Math was quite surprising, contented with it but hoping to get an A for promos! :) History definitely can be improved. >< no words to say for literature because im still in the midst of grasping it...promos exams in another 8 weeks++, time is ultra fast in jc, omg!! Cannot believe that im ending my year one so soon. Really need to buck up for promos and get myself promoted. ><
On another note, we didnt text at all for exactly 1 week as of now! I get very affected by it. I check his WA last seen every few hours. Seeing him online makes me wonder if he's texting other girls. Seeing him online makes me wonder if he's texting me soon or if he's checking on me like how im checking on him. It's wrong but this shows that I care. Couldn't even rmb how many countless of times I check WA in one day. Every night before I sleep, I wonder if he missed me like how much I missed him. Not texting makes me realize the distance between us even more. Not texting somehow makes me feel even more insecure. I tell myself perhaps he needs his own time. I tell myself perhaps he is busy. But his text doesnt come as days passes. Cannot deny that I feel sad and disappointed because I couldnt even rmb when was the last time he automatically text me first. But agn, I tell myself to trust him. I trust that even without texting, we are still connected, somehow or another. I tell myself if I really love him, we dont have to text 24/7. Im trying my best to give us some time. But, jealousy still creeps in in my heart. I stalked his pw mates which was wrong of me. But I really couldnt help it. Guess that they went to catch a movie ytd if im not wrong. I'm trying to backout now.....
I feel so tired of missing him
I feel so tired of thinking about my insecurities
I feel so tired of waiting
I feel like giving up
But, smth in me makes me doesnt want to give up at the same time.
I understand that being in diff schools will definitely bring a change in us. I understand that both of us have our own group of friends and our own lives to carry on. I cannot simply ask him to not hang out with his friends just because of me.
Perhaps, I need to learn how to care lesser, be more independent.
Sometimes, I really wonder what is going through in his mind.
Is he really in love with me? Or is he in love with the idea of loving me? Are his feelings going to sustain? How much do I actually mean to him? How does he think of me, us? Do he think of 'us' when 'us' is not even present now? Does he see a future with me? Does he even include me in his future?