Sunday, July 6, 2014


Change. Change is inevitable as we grow up. Environment changes and so do we. These few days have been tiring and unbearable for me. Aft telling him I have began to open up more to him and not against the idea of us being tgt, our relationship really changes alot. I began to realize im not just opening up to him more. I began to realize the fact that he has alrdy became a part in me over the years, just that I know and simply ignored the fact or I only realize it now. I can clearly see the importance of him when I reflect on my actions. I cannot help but to be jealous over very little things. Perhaps due to the diff schl we are in now, it made me feel very insecure. Idk whats going on, trying to comprehend every overreaction of mine. Trying to control my feelings is just so tiring, so stressful, so intolerable. I nvr knew things could turn out this way for me, for us. I nvr see this day coming at all. But, I promise myself to care lesser from now on. I will try my best to focus on my studies each day, focusing on enjoying my life, focusing on creating new memories with new people. Can't wait to join the OGL camp to meet and interact with new people. :) I believe whats meant to be will be. No use forcing. On a side note, let me vent my feelings here. ><
I feel very affected by what he told me abt his ec. Abt him putting images of me onto the girl. Abt him being excited to talk to her. Abt him feeling eager to hug her. Since he can easily find someone similar to me 3months ago, he can also find a girl to his liking during the next 3months, next next 3months. I feel affected by how he treats girls sensitively. I feel affected by how he is close to eshir and they are in the same pw group. I feel affected by how he is still with her and the group at 11pm at night. I feel affected by the littlest thing possible. I feel annoyed by myself for being so possessive. I feel annoyed by myself for wanting to control him when he's already sacrificing so much. I feel annoyed by myself for being so demanding and selfish. I feel annoyed by myself for being so useless. Simply because, I care for him.

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