Changes.

Change. Change is inevitable as we grow up. Environment changes and so do we. These few days have been tiring and unbearable for me. Aft telling him I have began to open up more to him and not against the idea of us being tgt, our relationship really changes alot. I began to realize im not just opening up to him more. I began to realize the fact that he has alrdy became a part in me over the years, just that I know and simply ignored the fact or I only realize it now. I can clearly see the importance of him when I reflect on my actions. I cannot help but to be jealous over very little things. Perhaps due to the diff schl we are in now, it made me feel very insecure. Idk whats going on, trying to comprehend every overreaction of mine. Trying to control my feelings is just so tiring, so stressful, so intolerable. I nvr knew things could turn out this way for me, for us. I nvr see this day coming at all. But, I promise myself to care lesser from now on. I will try my best to focus on my studies each day, focusing on enjoying my life, focusing on creating new memories with new people. Can't wait to join the OGL camp to meet and interact with new people. :) I believe whats meant to be will be. No use forcing. On a side note, let me vent my feelings here. ><
I feel very affected by what he told me abt his ec. Abt him putting images of me onto the girl. Abt him being excited to talk to her. Abt him feeling eager to hug her. Since he can easily find someone similar to me 3months ago, he can also find a girl to his liking during the next 3months, next next 3months. I feel affected by how he treats girls sensitively. I feel affected by how he is close to eshir and they are in the same pw group. I feel affected by how he is still with her and the group at 11pm at night. I feel affected by the littlest thing possible. I feel annoyed by myself for being so possessive. I feel annoyed by myself for wanting to control him when he's already sacrificing so much. I feel annoyed by myself for being so demanding and selfish. I feel annoyed by myself for being so useless. Simply because, I care for him.

June holidays.

Holidays ending tmrw with exams for 4 days and im so done with MYE! ^^
Great end to the holidays by meeting up with da gang for dinner! <3 Also somehow confessed my feelings and talk it out with kh, feel so relieved and happy! :) although I am not very sure of my feelings, I certainly feel myself changing! Although I might not have confidence, I believe he would give me the confidence that I need. :) I will trust my gut feelings and have trust in him. But we promised to let nature take its course! Even if we did not end up tgt ultimately, I am still glad to have him by my side for the past 4 years! Really starting to wonder what will become of us aft our Alevels exams, cant wait!!! ><
Meanwhile, im pretty excited for tfios movie date with him aft our mye, hopefully on youth day if we both can make it, hehe. :p
Study time for now!! ^^

Holidays.

Holidays are already ending soon. Im entering the third week of June holidays starting from tmrw. So far I have done nth productive or worth to mention of.
First week was extra lessons, alongside my birthday. Such a disappointment this year. All of my closest friends did not even sent me a text. Dk what kind of friends I have kept with me. But, I did receive a cake and card with well wishes from Adli, Rachel and Meghana. Such a sweet bunch to come my void deck. Although it wasnt much, it's the thoughts that counts, considering that they were not exactly close with me, so thankful yup! ;) The first two weeks were time spent on watching kdrama. Besides that, I practically did nth useful to my studies. T.T
But I did started History revision, morw or less done now! Did a bit of Math practice and am starting on Econs tmrw to prepare for mye. :) first internal formal exams since the start of JC. GP mye was already over, dk how well did I fare! ><

Recently thinking of alot of stuffs. Particularly friendship. 17 years of life thus far and I still haven't managed to find a true best friend. Quite a saddening fact...
BGR problems. Aft separating into diff jc, me and kh definitely did drifted. We did not meet since march holidays and were talking lesser as days passed. Came to realize the fact that distance does matter afterall. I blamed myself for not cherishing him and whatever he had done for me thus far when he was still beside me. Not that he isnt beside me now, but the feeling just differs after we went to diff schools. I still dont know my feelings for him. Am I taking him for granted for the past 3 years that I haven't realize my actual feelings for him? Or am I just purely shunning out him from being my boyfr without any reasons?
Whatever the reasons are, it's already all too late. We are meeting and interacting with different people in different schools. Environment changes everyone. So his feelings for me will eventually fade away, or has already faded since idk when. I cannot be selfish and ask him to wait for me since im not 100% sure that we can be tgt aft Alevels.
The fact that such a close and trusted friend of mine will eventually leave me just saddens me so much.
Just hope that I can mix around and interact with new ppl in school, opening up to more people easily to have a fruitful JC life instead of just living in a shell everyday for 2 years consecutively! :)
To the next post! ;)

School.

It has been 3months plus since school starts. This few weeks were tedious and tiring with tests after tests, makeup lessons after makeup lessons. Not forgetting homeworks, PW and college day rehearsal. Really dont know why and how others can have so much life during weekends. Couldnt comprehend their attitude towards learning. Not like they dont deserve to have life, but for people who are weak in their studies, shouldn't they be focusing more on studies? Yet again, people who are smart can definitely afford to have more fun during weekends! Trying fucking hard to study hard right now, making sure im able to do well for every test and mye thats coming up. Although it's tedious now, at least I wont regret when I look back next time. :) yes, I do not have a fun life and are always studying, but I do not want to risk having fun now and regret later! Afterall, it's my results and future!
Mother's Day today, went to JEM for dinner at DingTaiFeng! Nice and yummy dinner, loveeeee. :D walked arnd! Always being tempted into buying clothes, want to keep up with fashion trend so badly. Want to buy contact lens so badly. :( H&M have so many affordable and pretty clothes!!! I'm so gonna work very hard aft Alevels end, earn alot of money and spent like crazy!!! Abit too early to talk abt the end of Alevels now, but really cant wait to shop!!!!!!!!!!! Hoping my JC life will be a fruitful one with fun and laughter alongside studying hard!! :)

Schooling.

Actual lessons have alrdy began a week ago. So far so good, just that I have to get used to the lecture style of teaching! My class is getting quite bonded and I really truly love my class except for a minority of ppl! :) Adli baked cookies on Vday for the class, nice to eat and sweet hehe. ^^ Bryan gave us a stalk of rose each too! Glenna prepared sweets and chocolate! How sweet can my classmates be!! ^^ New transferred student joined our class ytd, dont really fancy her...I have been enjoying all my lectures thus fun, esp econs! :) Hope everything goes smoothly! Went to queenstown today with mummy! She bought a pair of Nike shoes while I bought 2 fbts, 5pairs of sock and clay mask! Hope that the clay mask works for me considering the rave abt it! :) mum also bought me my jansport bag and 2 pair of rubi shoes previously! Loving and cherishing everything and everyone in my life so far, so blessed!! :) Nicole and rachel are good company of friends in sch, enjoy their presence! To more fun experiences and journey along the 2 years of jc life hehe. :D will update this space agn soon!!

New school, new beginning.

School has officially started as of 6feb. Reported at 7.30am with Melissa and was posted to MG32. Awkward with absolutely no one that I know of in the group. Had talks almost the entire day with some intro and ice breaking games within the group. Matriculation day 2, familiarized with ppl in my grp but still no actual conversations. >< went for intro lectures of various subjects as well as school tour. Oh and learning some of the pj cheers. :) ended the day well! Tmr will be matriculation day 3 with more bonding session and CCA day as well! Hoping to join a cca which can change my personality a little...throughout these 2 days, I have came to like pj! The J2s and my MGLs are friendly and helpful. Pj spirit is also thr, so bonded as a whole! Everyone seems to be happy and cheerful! So I hope on Wednesday when in the orientation group, im able to make friends with several ppl and enjoy my JC life! :) I wish to record every bits of my jc life, esp the beginning so that I can recall go see how I have made friends with my future best friends! Back for more updates next weekend! ^^

CNY 2014

Back with another post! It's currently 12.35am on 3feb! Cny day 1 and 2 are usual visiting and day 3 was spent at our house! Chatted for so long with huanran on day2 at 4th aunt's house and we continued a short talk today! He's really sociable and friendly, helpful and mature. Really hope to be as sociable as him in JC and open up to many new ppl, making new friends! :) enjoyable talk! Hope we can catch up very soon! Posting results is releasing on 5thfeb and school starts officially on 6thFeb with orientation and all. Haven prepare myself yet. >< that's if for now hehe!