Blessed!!

First day of 2015! Started it right, sweet and feeling blessed.
Slack at home for the whole mid day and went out to cwp to meet kh at 5.15pm! Need to collect my otee from him for tmrw ogl camp! So we settled my mum's ezlink card first then headed to pastamania for dinner! He had some salmon cheesy thingy and I had my chicken Bolognese! Not as nice as lotone! Then we went to ask abt soup restaurant for my family's reunion dinner! Aft which we went to buy GC peach green tea 30% sugar with umisushi! Boarded 856 to woodlands waterway! Super crowded haga probably cos it's new year! Caught the sunset tgt, feeling super sweet as we took photos! By then it was arnd 7pm! So we walked uphill to the highest point and settled on our mat! The weather was ultra windy and cooling, with the sun setting down. Nice scenery too. Everything was so perfect. I was held in his arms, enjoying the breeze and scenery. Talked, ate and played with each other! Took alot of photos hahaha!!! We need a selfie stick. :p then as the night gets darker at arnd 7.30ish he started rubbing me la, the feeling was damn shiok haha while I helped him with xiaohill too! Then we witnessed a random firework from malaysia. It was so pretty and amazing to witness a firework with him. It was so perfect... I was feeling so blessed at that moment. Aft fireworks we continued having pleasure till arnd 8.15pm and we left! Board 856 back to cwp and boarded 963 home hehe! Just skyped him and settled our pencil cases at elastichairtiessss!
Ogl camp tmrw till sunday before I can meet him!!! Gonna miss him so much. :(
I love you. :)

Double happiness!

Spent 26,27,29 and 30 dec working at the bookshop with kh! 27th was additionally happy because we went kbox at 10mile for an hour! We bascially booked the room to give each other pleasure during that one hour, not even singing haha! That was an intense rubbing session. :p

Then for 29th and 30th we went to Somerset313 to settle my charging dock problem!

Today is the last day of 2014 and it concludes the whole year. It is a well-spent day with kh arnd Punggol!

We met at 10.10am at cwp, boarded 161 to Sengkang station because we decided to go Somerset313 to settle my charging dock problem! Then we headed to the curry restaurant opposite KOI at basement for lunch, quite nice hehe! Then we took the train all the way to punggol station! And took the lrt to Damai station! Walked to Punggol waterway park! We settled at the shelter but realized we didnt buy drinks and it was 1.45pm by then! So we walked back to opposite Damai lrt station and bought 1L greentea, a bottle of mineral water and 2 Ruffles chips! Walked back and decided to continue walking to see the scenery! We walked and walked till we reached Sunset bridge but it wasnt as pretty as what we had thought. Besides that, there wasnt a less crowded place to lay our mat, so we had to walk all the way back to Damai station because we decided to head to Punggol beach! By then, we were alrdy tired as fuck cos it was a like 2-3km route!!! Reached Punggol beach at like 4.30pm I guess! Then we explored abit! Quite pretty but there were alot of ppl! Settled at the end of the nature walk but there were like 5-6 stray dogs roaming arnd, so we decided to shift to the start of the beach, at the jetty! Wanted to catch the sunset tgt, but estimated time was 7.09pm which was quite late because we wanted to go back to the first place we settled down at Punggol waterway park. So we headed to board bus 84 back to opposite Damai station to buy our dinner! Then walked back to the shelter area but realized there were people! So we went uphill and settled down under a tree at 6.10pm sharp! Talked, touchtouch and played funrun tgt! Time passed super quickly haha! Then this time round he really rubbed me correctly because he was gentle and slow enough. Quite turned on! >< Then when the night starts to get darker like arnd 6.50pm, we started to get more intense. He was rubbing me until I couldn't let him stop cos the feeling was damn strong. But we stopped for a moment because there were people haha so we decided to have our packed charsiew rice for dinner! Aft im done eating, he asked me to turn arnd to face him. And he popped out with a ring which im wearing it on my hand now hehe. I was damn shocked so I did not express my feelings out haha trying to process!! then aft which I told him I craycray for his rub haha, so he rubbed me agn cos it was my first time saying I need it. >< Then helped him with his xiaohill also haha! Then we decided to go off since it was alrdy 8pm! Super tired by then! But I started tearing and crying when we came out of SengKang mrt station cos I was super upset that we couldnt have more time tgt aft today...Then I cried alot haha, xiasuey. >< But I really know he loves me alot now, and I love him alot too, might not be as much as his love for him. But I promise to be loyal to him because I really want us to work out. :) Then bus back to cwp on 161! Went to cwp for toilet and met his friend otw haha, so funny! Then we parted ways when 963 came! So here im, bathed and penning down the whole day!

It is a really memorable and meaningful day today. He makes me feel really really loved and he pampers me alot which made me feel very blessed. :) I will really try and make time out for him aft schl reopens. I know is hard because we have to juggle between distance and studies at the same time. But im sure we will be fine because we endured alot alrdy. :) Aft every rain comes a rainbow so im sure our rainbow will be here soon. Hehe love him alotalot!!

Omgomg, me and kh is progressing like way too fast. Have been skyping him every night now, then video calling plus sexting like for a full day. >< Even video call to turn him on, wear sexy clothes hahaha. And omg, first phone sex till like 5am in the morning, trying to masturbate together. In the end failed cos took too long. Then we had our second phone sex ytd night like at 12am. Initiated by me haha! Success cos I was in the mood and I moaned a few times which turned him super on, so he reached orgasm at a shorter time and feel damn shiok. ><
Saw each other for bookshop work today, then he kept thinking about my moans hahaha. Then touch me everywhere secretly when we are working. ><
Then we waited for the double decker bus 190 for damn long cos we want privacy. Then while waiting at the bus stop, his naughty hands are at work agn, makes me so turned on. >< then while on the bus, we sat at the furthest back of the seat, continue turning each other on. He kept touching my stomach haha, then up my thighs near my xiaola. >< Then I tried running my fingers down his inner thighs and both of us throughout the journey was just giving each other pleasure hahaha. Then we went to somerset 313 to settle my phone, no solution damn sad. Then we went to Digital Funan Mall, every escalator he will wrap his arms arnd my stomach, so comfy and major turn on. >< Then we ya basically just physical as much as we could.
Went to somerset for EAT as dinner! Then KOI then waited for double decker 700/190 but dont have so we took double decker 972. But wtf somebody sat the furthest back seat so we damn pissed, no privacy. >< But he secretly touching my stomach all over and side thighs near the entrance of my shorts. >< He knew all my weak spots so is like every touch is targetted to make me feel turn on...then wtf things go haywire when the guy behind alighted. He literally rubbed me, at first through my shorts, but he went craycray and went into my shorts.... and at first my legs were still crossed, but I opened it slightly for his hands to enter aft that...then even requested him to go faster and he really went super fast, I even guide him to go which direction, up/down/left/right more. >< Then he was also super turned on but I couldnt give him pleasure... just putting my hands near his xiaohill hahaha. >< then he started to grab my boobs too, like really touching and slight massage. >< feels super turned on wtf. Then both of us really cannot take it. ><
Having kbox date with him aft work tmrw cos we wanna have some privacy. :p

Back for another update!
Omg, my and kh really progressing too fast. >< We have been sexting each other since ytd night, omg, so shy. Like this is the first time a guy talked so much sexual stuff with me before, even more than Bryan!!!! Then the whole conver on 24/12 were abt masturbation, erection, turn-ons. >< I send him a photo of my legs then he became turned on, then continue sending diff angles one HAHA.
Then we skyped from 8+ till now like 12+am alrdy, literally phone sex ok. >< Then I got wet, omg so embarrassing. >< Waiting for my sister to sleep first so that I can skype him later in my tight tank top with his desired pose HAHA. We both admitted to each other that we were enjoying this sexting/phone sex thing cos it really satisfies our desires, so I guess it's fine? Cos we are just curious about each other hahaha, and he really said that he dares to rub me if I allow him to. Omg, I really feel like letting him rub me but it really feels wrong and awkward.... but I really think when the mood comes, we will do things to each other. Actually, I find it okay cos is just exploring each other, as long as we don't fuck each other, the rest shld be fine. Plus I trust that he loves me alot too, so is natural for him to have those desires. :) Hehe, just wanna turn him on now!!!!!

Blessed!

Yay work ended well! On sunday, 21/12, I went plaza for 18chef for dinner with aunt and sist, super nice!! Then headed home! Skyped kh at night hehe!
Monday went to fetch parents from airport back! But met kh in the morning at westspring cos he accompanied his cousin for registration! Talked to Miss Chang for 30min hehe still my fav teacher! Then we went to senjacashew cc for badminton, but they did not have suitable timing for the courts! So we went to blk 545 outdoor place to play! Played like 15min only cos shuttlecock too annoying HAHA. Then we sat down to chitchat for awhile, played with each other's fingers haha, tickling each other. Perfect slacking. :p then we walked to plaza for 18chefs! Super cheap, less than $6!!! Cheese baked rice for the first time, major love!! Then headed home to slp before heading to airport in the evening!
Tuesday, 23/12
Met kh at 11.45am at 163 for kkm! Wore the grey bossini shirt but he didnt wear, abit upset but it's okay! Cos the top was body fitting but loose on me, so it accentuated my boobs but quite low cut, so he was looking at them throughout the day haha, makes me shy. >< but hehe glad that he likes to see them, must impress with my figure more. :p then we took 960 aft lunch to bugis! Playing with our fingers secretly while sitting down and crossing arms haha.
Then we switched to mrt at bugis to expo! People were judging us in the mrt too cos I tried to use my finger to tickle him, laughing away madly!! Then we walked arnd expo, nth much! Didn't manage to get my usb wire cos my phone abit sot. But we found the mercury portable charger, major love!!!! <3 but didnt buy la. Then we walked from hall 5 to hall 1 to foyer for dbs atm machine haha! Held hands all the way hehe. Then the foyer 1 was super empty with couch. Like literally only security guards were thr. So we sat thr tickling each other, getting all physical. >< then I chained his hands with my bag, and let him suffer with my ticklings HAHA. He was turned on. :p then we walked to changi city point and sat in front of KOI while he ate, being all loveydovey physically haha! Then explored and found the arena, super nice cos quite windy and like green! Got swings somemore but were all taken!!! So we sat at one corner while talking dirty HAHA. Talking abt turning on. Then he touched my inner thighs, trying to make me turn on. >< he did it la, for the first time I really felt smth down thr. >< then on the bus back, he was trying to touch my inner thighs too, still put his hands in between my thighs for warmth HAHA. First time someone actually touched my thighs, so sensitive. >< then I fell asleep on his shoulders on 960!!
Basically whole day was just being physical with each other la. >< then skyped from 10.30pm to just now, like 12.10am! Before that we were texting, the whole conver was abt xiaohill and turning on each other HAHA so shy. Really love him la, qtpie. :p but I really enjoy his touches la, want him to touch more hehe, but he's quite shy so we have to slowly too, cos idw our basis of r/s to be abt physical too!
Hehe 2 more days till I see him for work, excited, cannot wait!! Hehe goodnight!

YAY countdown, 2 more days to end of work!! Today worked from 1-6pm! Woke up early and had lunch with the sister at Redhill Hawker centre, famous chicken rice! Then ya fold clothes, stocked up and time passes very quickly! Rained when we were going home, so had to share my umbrella with kh! Ofc he is the one holding the umbrella haha, hands on my shoulders! He did smth so awkwardddd.
Like we were walking but his hands will always brush against my butt cos walking what! Then I scolded him for taking the chance to touch my butt haha, then he really hit my butt, in purpose wtf?!?! Haha then we were both laughing ridiculously cos I deesiao him with that.
Then MRT was super crowded and I had nth to hold on, so we were playing with our hands tgt. Hold his pinky so that I wont fall haha, then he held my whole hand and we kept playing with our fingers. Lied on his shoulders too, hehe comfy and the height is just nice. Really super sweet, just like how a couple would behave! Then on the train to cck, we were playing with each other's waist haha and crapped alot abt physical stuffs. People arnd us were judging, so paiseh. >< But hehe, truly felt very blessed and happy, really different from how I feel when Bryan touches me.
Gonna have breakfast with him tmrw, hehe looking forward to it! :)

Xoxo

So long didnt update here!
Dec holidays are very fulfilling hehe. Slack for first week of dec hol! Then start going redhill to work for bossini warehouse sales on the 11th! With kh ofc!! He will accompany me home everyday aft work hehe although taking 184 is inconvenient for him cos still has to change 963 then 964!
Getting really really close during these working days too cos we see each other from morning to night! Emotionally and physically! He ah, now starting to get touchy! While folding clothes, he will walk over and put his arm arnd my waist or just shoulder. Abit not used to it haha!
Ended everything with B, cannot stand his clinginess because it's really getting overboard. He insists in continuing just because of all the physical touch that I can satisfy him with. He doesnt sven treat me nicely. We will never ever get back tgt agn.
The closer I get with kh, the more im afraid to lose him...he is really close with eshir and tbh, I really hate it. The fact that he intiates to text her and not me...the fact that he can put all those emoji even aft I told him I dont like it. So he is willing to make me unhappy just to please her...
Although this 10 days, he is trying his best to not text her, distancing himself away from her. But I clearly know it's impossible. Once schl reopens, everything goes back to how it was and supposed to be next year. This 10 days is just a temporary commitment. I'm trying my best to trust him...
Today was his off day so I work alone! Meet him at JE cos he wants to accompany me for dinner! Went to eat hot tomato at westgate, first dinner in a restaurant tgt hehehe. Then walked arnd and mrt home! Haha, he always tries to tickle me now when we are on the escalator cos he knows that is my weak spot. ><
Tmrw will be working from 1-6pm yay! Shall sleep soon, so tired from work!!!!
Looking forward to the rest of dec hol cos we will be spending alot of time tgt aft bossini work ends! ^^

Back agn, it's been awhile since I last updatet this space.

Alot of things have changed. My feelings for B faded alot. Now I don't really know if we should carry on because I simply couldn't commit.

This holiday also brought me closer to kh, or at least we are meeting more often.

We went for our first gym date at cck gym, first Kbox session, first badminton session at woodlands gym, first Orchard library date, and soon working tgt agn, starting from this Thurs. Spending time with him is just very carefree without any stress and I enjoy every minute with him.

As compared to kh, spending time with B is alot more stressful because we do not have alot to talk about, or don't have much things we could do. Besides that, he tends to cuddle me whenever we meet, so meeting him feels more of a "touchy" session to satisfy both of our needs. There are emotional connections ofc, but ya he just couldn't take his hands off me. Not that I'm angry la. I do enjoy his touches but since I like him lesser now, it just gets abit umcomfy at times. He just doesn't give me the security that kh gives me. And anyway, mum is super pleased with kh though she hasn't meet him before hahaha. 

Moving onnnnn

Started getting close with Jerome nowadays. Started aft we attended the OGL briefing tgt cos we went to watch Aloy's soccer match against VJC thereafter. He started snapchatting me, whatsapp till 2am! Still in the midst of guessing if he is really interested in me like what Nicole and B told me. 

Went out with my Gail today! Met B in the late morning to RailMall for lunch! But it was too early at like 11am. So we shared a cup of chia tea at The Coffee Bean and chit-chatted! After that, we left at arnd 12.30 and went to the "playground" behind the RailMall. We also went up to the train track for some "touching". Then we went to EAT for our lunch! Boarded 178 to JE to meet my Gail! She accompanied me to watch Mockingjay part 1 although she watched it before alrdy. It was really nice, major love!! By the time we come out, it's already 4.30pm, walked arnd and she told me abt her Shanghai Trip while we shopped at MIYOC at Jcube! Then headed to Ipuddo for her dinner. Talked abt Nicole over dinner, was really upset that I started tearing up twice because I really don't know what I can do to help her...

Really blessed to have her as my friend because she is as of now, my only true friend whom I can count on regardless what (excluding kh). So I was really upset to know that she has been hurting herself. Breaks my heart to see all the cuts on her arms. So Gail and I talked abt mental conditions like depression for a long time! Am glad to have her as my friend too, she's very good at giving advices and making me smile. :)

Home for dinner and yup, reading up on some enews, hopefully I can slp earlier tonight! 

X.

14/11
Had extra lessons as usual but ended at 11am, suoer early! B's house wasnt available so we headed to blk 152's staircase. Meant to be a hugging session only. Ofc we did hug. Went to the highest storey! Then we sat and chitchat for 30min. Windy and relaxing hehe.
16/11
Was bored at home. Sist went to her friend's dorm to stay until next Monday. Aunt went out. Dad will be working late. Mum will be going for work. So I went to zhcc with B to study! 'Study' was just an excuse ofc haha, we were both hoping there will be no one in the study room so that we could watch movie and cuddle on the couch but sadly there were ppl.
So we reached at 3.15pm and went to walk for awhile at 4.30pm cos I wanted some mcd ice cream but didnt have! So we went to  Nicole's void deck to explore the garden. Headed back at like 5pm and went out agn at 5.45pm. Went exploring the CC. And we found the eldery corner on 4th floor which was unlocked haha. We stayed inside till 7.10pm!
Sitting on the sofa with his hands on me, so comfy. Then lied down on one sofa each, facing each other, talking. Lying on his chest, his arms. Perfect. :)
Since it was raining heavily and the room was dark, ofc he hugged me alot, touching everywhere. :p
Wasnt enough for him so when we were heading back to the study room for our bags, we decided to go to the 5th storey's staircase. Always loves how he hugs me, tightly and touching everywhere, turns me on. :p he told me he would get an erection sometimes so I always wonder if I feel anything touching me down there whenever we hug.
Sat down to talk but a cleaner walked past, awkwarddddd.....so no choice but had to go. ><
Loves his touches. :p

Extended curriculum

Extended curriculum has been ongoing for the past 3 days. Quite boring! Only econs is helpful! Had my OGL meeting ytd, screwed it up. Hoping that I will still get in, *fingers crossed. :(
Pon this morning's first lecture: GP.
But still woke up at 7.30am and headed to B's house! Abit unusual cos this is the first time im in his house at such early timing.
Slacked and cuddled on his sofa while watching his YouTube videos! Cuddling wasn't what I have expected, or maybe not to his expectations too haha. Alot of awkward positions. >< but ok la lied on his lap with a pillow on top.
Towards the end was better cos I think that he is quite disappointed for wasting so much time. Like from 8-9.30am he didnt get to touch me alot. So like the last half hour he couldn't take it anymore.
Hold me at my waist while I was tying hair. Pulled me and sat on his lap on the sofa while I was wearing skirt.
Sat behind me on the sofa, like literally me in between his legs, awkward. ><
Hope these turned him on. :p but still, shld have more cuddling sessions cos we both love it but he doesnt know I love it, so I shld initiate more haha!
But still was hoping to go his house tmrw aft 11am, but his grandma will be going his house, sad. :(

X.

Way past midnight, it's 9nov now!
So 7nov, went back to schl at 9am to submit I&R. Dismissed at 9.45, way too early. So went home to bathe and rest for awhile while meghana, gail and nicole went to B's house to slack! I went thr at 11.45am, watched OITNB with Nicole. Nicole and I went to 163 to have my lunch before heading to plaza! Met them and went back to schl for results.
Did expect Nicole to retain but when it  really happens, is another feeling all tgt...
Nicole, fatin, syafiqah, salina.
The 4 in our class who played a role in creating 14A06, love them so much.
Cried alot in schl, couldn't bear to let Nicole retain...
The only friendship that I've became so emotionally attached to. My pillar support. My happy pill.
Went home and packed my tables. Shifted my bed. Went to meet B aft dinner for a walk. Weather was good because it just rained. Drizzled a little when we start walking. So we left his condo and went to blk 152+ to sit and talk for awhile. Decided to walk agn since the weather was good. Cos it was drizzling so it was very quiet and dark. Walked arnd the blocks, past the 7-11. To the stairs leading to ten mile. Since there werent ppl arnd, we hugged, quite long.He carried me haha!
Once he start touching me, everything goes haywire. ><
While walking home, we stopped at blk 148 stairs to hug agn. I thought he was done just now. But no haha. So we continued hugging. This time round was really the most intense. Because his hands was all over my body. While hugging, he did ask me if he was too touchy. Touching me too much or too many times. I said it was fine. I enjoyed him touching me haha. He slide his hands all over my back while tightening his grip on my waist. Touched my arms and hands.
Ofc we must end it off with his fav backhug.
Everytime he touches me, I am turned on. I really do like him touching me. Everywhere. The more the better. The longer the better. Just exceptionally likes it on my waist. I want him to caress me more. I should probably touch him more to let him know that I like it, if not he wouldnt dare to touch me too, haha!

Another update!

No school today and tmrw cos no OP!
Did abit of I&R before heading to Gail's house at 2.30pm!
Reached at 3pm and started playing Dance Central, played with emma. Left her house for Hot Tomato at cwp at arnd 6.30pm! Took the bus at 8.20pm sharp. Alighted a stop before the usual one to take a walk with B. Walked towards bpps that route to near Gate A. With our hands holded. I feel blessed and happy now. :)
Silent night, wet floor. We tested hugging too. He lifted me up which doesnt work haha! As usual, we walked to HDB stairs to hug, but a woman walked past so we had to stop. We walked to blk 148 and climbed up to a story higher whr nobody is able to walk past and judge us. We hugged intensely. His hands arnd my waist, simply love that feeling. It turns me on tbh, even now that I think abt it. As usual, he doesnt want to let me go. He said he could feel my heartbeat, beating very fast. He still loves backhugs the most cos aft hugging, he gave me a backhug, kissed me on by neck. I love backhugs cos his hands are totally wraped arnd my waist. Wanted to take a photo but too hard. So forget it. Aft we are done, we went separate ways back home!
He's turning me into a "touchy" person. Honestly speaking, I want him to hug me aft ytd's hug. I just like him to touch me, esp waist. Staircase hugging isnt a bad thing cos although is secretive, that secretive makes me feel even more turned on. But I hate that we couldnt hug properly and had to rush. Just wanna sit down and cuddle with him. For a long long time. Without feeling stress. Just want him to continue touching me. ><
And I'm hoping to turn him on whenever we hug. :p

Backkk.

Done my OP today, like finallyyyy. Aft so many weeks of toture from wr and practices for OP. Everything is coming to an end soon on Friday, aft submission of GPF. Cant wait!! OP was alright I guess, everything just went past super quickly.
Got released at 12sharp and headed straight home! Gail had a talk with Bryan abt the confession.
Went home to slp for an hour and met Bryan in his condo at 3.30pm! Went to the cafe to do I&R till arnd 5.15pm and we went to slack arnd his condo. Had heart to heart talk like we usually do. Talked abt why he likes me so much, how much he wants to be tgt with me. And ofc my stand of not being tgt. We got very close tgt physically. Went to play the swing when he let loose. He wanted to touch me but was controlling very hard. So the swing gave him an excuse to touch my waist. For a short while. And we walked and walked. Sat in front of the pool and we talked dirty. He told him whenever he sees me, he is always getting an erection, just that he is controlling. Asked me if I did feel his dick whenever he hugs me. Haha and he told me his fantasies with me too. Basically just a talk abt dirty stuffs. But this means that we are close at a whole new level. I feel more comfortable than before. I feel happy.
At arnd 7.34pm I wanted to go home so we started walking. He offered to hold my hands, so we walked while holding hands which is very sweet. We decided to walk one more round before sending me home. But I started saying abt hugs and our height difference. So we decided to try the "steps hugging". So difficult to find a corner without anyone but with steps so that we can hug. So ended up going to staircase at some block.
So we hugged. His hands wrapping around my waist, gentle yet tightly. He couldnt get enough of it/me. So we hugged for super long. Released alrdy but him hugging me from the back, not wanting to let go. Saying I love you to me and sniffing my hair. Kissing my neck. I love his hands on my waist. I just feel very comfortable. But I hate how we have to do it in staircases or with steps cos we couldn't hug as and when we like...so when we were done we walked out and hugged at the carpark stairs, perfect!!!! But saw his dad while walking out to the back gate which was a fucking shock hahaha.
Overally today was a happy day. I kinda like him touching me now. Like my hair, my arms, especially my waist, major love!!! I hope we can hug longer in future, without stress. Like just long cuddles. I enjoy turning him on now haha. Looking forward to our next huggg which I cannot wait for alrdy. ><

Hectic.

LIt has been such a long, tiring, fucking pissed/frustrated/upset week from 12/10-19-10.
Nvr been so fucking pissed since that woman left. The whole entire pw grp, excluding gail. Fuck them srsly.
I cried every single day in schl.
Having to stay back till 9pm everyday, having to do drafts after drafts, yet receiving rework as comments.
No regular meals everyday.
Surviving the entire next day in schl with 4-5h of slp the previous night.
Fell sick. Gail too.
So on 17/10, I had no choice but to follow miss geri to teck whye mcd aft school closes at 9pm. But it was fun, ending the shitty week with laughters on friday.
Aloy and bryan's group were there too! Didnt manage to do much so I had to go back schl to meet miss geri on 18/10, saturday to do wr. Bryan came to join us aft he finished printing his wr which became the popular sample wr in 2 nights.
Was really grateful for him cos he helped me alot! We went to his house to do at 4pm all the way till 10pm.
He did rephrasing, formatting and 2 chapters for me. Was really weird to go to his house alone aft we split. Having dinner at his house aft working hard tgt. That was really memorable...
That night felt like we were back to the time when we were dating. Such intimacy, the support. The fun. The laughter. The comfort.
He walked me home and that few nights we did hug. It felt so surreal.
Today I met him at 10am at the resident's corner. Thought only had minor changes but ended up with quite some editing even though I woke up at 6am to edit.
No choice but to go up his house since im waiting for miss geri's reply. Had lunch at his house too! Feel so paiseh to always go his house! But yup, we did and did. Endless work of formatting. Page number fucks us up!!!
Rush to bukit timah shopping centre to print. Saw aloy in the same bus! Waited for an hour before it's our turn. And everything abt wr is over now, so happy. Next week onwards will be OP, my fear.
But im realy touched and grateful for B. He gave me all the support I need when I was down. Accompanied me whenever possible. Comfort me when I cry. Buying meals for me when I dont have time to eat. Ensuring that I drink enough water and eat med. Sending me home everynight. I really hope that I can depend and rely on him so that we can be closer. :)

Updates

24/09
Lit was the last paper which ended at 4pm! Headed to J10 with the three for dinner and went to Gail's house to play with emma, qtpie!! Reached home quite late, arnd 9pm+!
25/09
No paper so no school! Went out to study with kh although I have ended my promos! Met him but I was really upset cos he was texting eshir for the entire morning till 12pm when I asked him why he can ttyl me when he's studying but not ttyl to her. Im angry and pissed. But ya..
26/09
No paper no school! First proper shopping date with Gail, hehehe. ^^ met her at JEM at 10am for brunch at Marche. Had saugage and scrambled egg crepe with a cup of coffee. Food was nice and the ambience was good, totally loving it! Had alot of talkings done with Gail! Went to ION and started shopping from 1-3pm! Called N and B to meet at Gail's house thereafter! But emma had to leave when we reached. So we played rockband with gail and her brother! Nicole havent reach so I went down to fetch her so that we could have a talk! Got the shock of my life when we were abt to go back to Gail's house. Saw eshir walking down the long flight of stairs in front of her block while we were walking up...i turned away and told nicole. We then followed her all the way to cwp. She seemed to recognize me. We went to library building to the second floor so that I can look down and check if she's going to meet kh in the library. Waited for 20min but didnt see her. Scanned the second floor in the library and found them, along with the other john guy. Was really disappointed to witness that scene though. Nicole was really angry too. But we went back to gail's house and played rockband. FUNNNN.
We headed to cwp for Hot Tomato for dinner at 7pm! Food was damn nice hehe! Reached home at 9.30pm! Was damn tired to party for 3days consecutively!
28/09
Went to JEM din tai fung for mummy's belated birthday dinner. Quality family time that I enjoy with good food hehe so blessed!!
02/10
First kbox session with friends, the 3!! Sang all the popz songs haha likea club! We headed to J10 aft our class ends at 4pm! Sang till 7! Srsly fun hehe! Then headed to some BBQ chicken restaurant for dinner, fishnchips. Not really nice and quite expensive. Wouldnt return to dine agn. Walked home with bryan aft parting with N and G. The walk home was silent...i really dislike how we have become aft our split. Really hope we can return back to how we used to be...

X

Can no longer distinguish his reply towards me as coldness/heckcare or because of promos...
Are these merely my insecurities?
I really dislike myself for being so insecure. And transferring all these insecurities to him during his promos period. I know I shld not and ought not to pass all my troubles to him...
MUST CONTROLLLLLL I WILL NOT TALK TO HIM ABT ESHIR ANYMORE. NOT AGAIN.
I must stop my care....
I must stop my feelings....

End.

Promos had ended as of ytd! Went to Gail's house aft having early dinner at J10 with N, B and Gail! We played with emma, the qtpie!! Left at arnd 8.45pm and was dead tired.
Met kh today since he is having 2 days of study break. Met at 8.50am, had kfc breakfast and went to causeway library! Was supposed to be in a good mood. But he ruined it...texting eshir in front of me at such early timing. I understand that it his promos, so all the 'ttyls' from him recently are understandable. Even though he is always still online aft ttyling me, I nvr asked him abt it. He explained it was because of mousehunt. Ya but being online for every 2min in whatsapp is definitely more than mousehunt. Still, I didnt ask him aft that one time. But I witnessed it myself today. Going out with me to study while texting her...when he studies alone, he will ttyl me. But if he studies with her, he wont bother to text me. Yet, texting her while studying with me. Everything is clearly presented. He can claim how much he loves me, how much im his priority and how much I matter to him as compared to other girls. But actions are louder than words. His actions simply doesnt tally with his words. If he really loves and chooses me, he shld not even text her with those emoji in the first place, joking or not, he shouldnt have. Yes, he did admit his feelings for her. But he did also claim that he had chosen me in the end. Yet he still goes on with his over interaction with her. True, I am in no position to comment on his behaviours, but I just feel really hurt. Hurt by his betrayal. If he did not tell me how much he loves me, how much I matter to him and whatnot, I wouldnt have had these expectations of him.
Can I really let go of him and dont mention a word abt bgr/eshir to him anymore? Can I really dont care abt him anymore? I really want to withdraw myself out of this. Fuck this shit.

X

On bus alone in 700A, otw home after meeting up with willeen in town.
Thinking abt Bryan.
We split ytd, initiated by me. I feel very sorry towards him, for causing hurt to me. Because kh still matters to me...
I know B can get over me quickly. But I have still hurt him afterall. All the memories that we have created, all the sweet texts.
Have not talked to kh for 5days alrdy. He initiated not to contact for now, at least till after my promos. What's my feelings for him, I really wonder abt this alot....

Blessed.

It's 12.41am on the 31st aug when I typed this sentence. So technically I shld be using ytd in this entry. Is on 30th aug.
Met B under my void deck at 9.30am sharp to go to schl and study! We took a walk to schl because I thought that thw weather was quite breezy. Turns out that there is no wind while we walked. But it's okay, we enjoyed each other's company. :) reached the canal and we were figuring what is the best method to hold my hand cos of our height difference. >< ended up with the normal way although is abit weird cos of the height. We talked abt my insecurities and pessimism as we continued walking, hands held tgt. He is patient, caring and understanding. Telling me not to be worried as he held my hands tighter. I can sense that he really loves me and wants to continue the journey with me, am greatly touched. We went to the 3rd floor consultation area, just outside teachers' staffroom! No one was there and the whole entire time was super quiet. We sat down and started on our sea deco essay. We had small chats, letting the quietness seep into us. Really enjoyed the moment. Took a break for awhile and skinshipped. He stroked my hair which no one ever does that before. He shifted his chair closer to me and put his arms arnd my shoulders as we talked. I leaned onto him for a short while. All these little actions are making me feel connected to him. I feel that he really wants us to work out. He did stood up and hugged my head when I was sitting down. After which we did some math and had a little chat to end the study session at 1pm sharp! In the bus, he held my hand. Talked abt my finger nails and said that the more different I am from carina, the more he loves me. He loves how I am showing my true side to him. I really appreciated what he told me. He is accepting my flaws. We talked abt my family and his family while otw to plaza! When we reached my void deck, he hugged me, pecked a kiss on my hair.
We wanted to meet and exercise tgt in the evening, but it rained so heavily. We were disappointed initially but the rain stopped at 5.30pm, so I was able to go and meet him! We did not go to the gym. We went to the small park near cashew height terrace. Not a single person there. Weather was perfect because it just rained. Took a stroll before he started running while I walked continuously. 6.40pm, we were done, took a walk to the swing. He held my waist and push me while I was on the swing. That moment was magical. I was truly enjoying myself with his presence. We had a talk abt random stuffs until 7.15pm before he walked me home. We held hands, letting him to send me till blk 147 because I didnt want my parents to see. He was very reluctant to let me go. Hugged me tightly. Received a text from him at arnd 8.45pm just now, so extremely touched that I teared. I feel like he is trying his best to understand me better, getting close with me. I can see myself opening to him more, trying to let him enter my heart. I really hope we will walk the journey together. No matter tough or easy, I need to give it a try, with him by my side.
Anyway I gave him my first hug on Fri, 29aug! Aft the 987dj thing ended, nicole had her dinner in school. Before we left, we went to find him in the hall. Called him out and gave him a hug. Although the 2 SCs saw. >< but ya that was the first time I initiated a hug. So it means smth to both of us. :)
I want to record all of the moments we spend tgt, looking back at the small steps that we made in improving our dating process. All of these are precious memories of mine which I want to cherish by penning them down. :)
I love you.

-

Aft ytd's h2h talk, im sure B and I definitely get closer to each other even more. Or at least had a deeper level of understanding of each other. :)
And we are considered as dating as of ytd. Idk whether this is a good choice because of the timing, parents, studies, kh. I feel guilty. Yet I cant stop myself. I love how the way things are right now. I cannot afford to go into a r/s. At least not now. Im not ready to enter and commit in a r/s. I'm scared...